Monday, May 6, 2013

It Takes Two to Make a Marriage Work, Doesn't It?



It takes two to make a marriage work, doesn't it?

Yes, and no--but mostly yes. Let me explain.

This afternoon Michael and I got to talking about the yard. Our deck is wonderful, but to tell you the truth it's a little bit squishy. Since we put a dining table and chairs out there, we haven't had room for the patio furniture, like the orange lounge chair that I love to sink into on warm afternoons.

Everything is pushed tightly together and it's a little uncomfortable to sit out there with friends.

And so we've decided to build a second level at the bottom of the stairs. Nothing too fancy--just a little deck space to set up our table and chairs.

When I say that "we" decided to build it, I was kind of hoping that Michael would take on the project himself. He's a great carpenter who did a marvelous job on our wooden sidewalk.

But Michael has a different plan in mind--he wants us to build it together.

"I'm not going to be all that much help," I said. "I'm terrible when it comes to that kind of stuff."

Michael's response? Oh--that man knows how to sweet talk this girl...

"Even if you're just sitting out there on a chair drinking ice tea and watching me work," he said, "that's enough. I just don't want to do it alone."

My heart grew two sizes right there.

So that's what we're going to do. We're going to build it together. I might drink a few glasses of ice tea, but surely I can also haul boards and hammer a few nails. If he's not expecting too much--I'm the perfect girl for the job! *smile*

One of the most important things that we can do in building our marriage is to do things together. Whether we're building a deck, playing ball with the kids or sitting around the house, together is our favorite place to be.

Building together, that's the way marriage should be, right?

I do hope it's that way, and I pray it's that way in your home.

But there's always concern. And there are questions. What happens when you're the only one putting the effort into your marriage? How can a marriage possibly succeed if the other partner isn't doing their part? It takes two to make a marriage work, doesn't it?

Absolutely. And if you are praying for your marriage than you can be certain without a doubt that you aren't the only one doing the work. God plus you equals two. You're not in this alone.

I'm not saying that it's a good place to be. Absolutely not. But the reality is that some marriages are that way. Some people keep giving and giving without getting anything from their spouse in return, which is why it's so important that while we're down on our knees praying, our hope is steadfast on the Lord.

All good things come through Him and by Him. He is the one who rewards our faith.

God doesn't expect us to do all of the work. He just wants us to be there beside Him while He's doing His.

What do you say, can you build this together?

And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. - Galatians 6:9 KJV

You are loved by an almighty God,



Visit Time-Warp Wife on facebook: Click here

If you would like to have Time-Warp Wife delivered to your inbox daily, simply click here: Subscribe to Time-Warp Wife

Check out my book, The Good Wife's Guide: Embracing Your Role as a Help Meet

16 comments:

  1. I had a similar experience this week in the garden. My husband was planting, and asked me to help. I explained that I wasn't much help because I was really just watching him do all the work. He told me that he likes for me to keep him company while he's working, and this is how I can help him.

    Thank you for posting this message. It is really appropriate for the week I've been having, and it is encouraging to know that we are not alone in this, that God is also watching over our marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  2. My husband likes us to do almost everything together. I used to get aggravated, thinking we could get so much more done apart. One day it dawned on me that I'm very blessed to have a hubby who wants to spend time with me and not out with his guy friends doing who knows what.

    ReplyDelete
  3. LOVE this, Darlene. There is always hope - even when you feel "alone" in the rebuilding of your marriage . Thank you for the reminder!

    ReplyDelete
  4. What a heartwarming story! I love when my fiancé and I can work together for a common aim :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you for this simple post. I nearly lost my marriage partly because I ignored the truth that God plus me equals two. God had to take us through a raging, cleansing fire to get me to see this. New life is poking through the ash and I am relieved, but 3 months ago I didn't know where we would end up. We are only seeing this new life because our hope is in God and not in each other or ourselves.

    My husband and I still fail, but God wants us to make it even more than we want to make it. We represent Christ's relationship to the Church, so His name is at stake. That means He's working. I have nothing to fear as long as my hope is in Him, not in my husband or in myself. I will be obedient to my God because He loves me and He loves my husband.

    1 Peter 3:5-6 (DM's paraphrase) The holy women of old who HOPED IN GOD [this is key] adorned themselves by submitting to their husbands. So submit to your husbands and do good to them, and do not fear ANYTHING that is frightening. You can do this as long as your HOPE is in GOD.

    ReplyDelete
  6. We are a do it together couple also. If my husband is splitting wood, working on the van, or anything, he grabs a lawn chair and puts it where I can sit and talk to him while he works. He also doesn't hunt, target shoot, camp, or fish without me. It's definitely not one way though. I also rarely shop, whether for groceries or Easter dresses, without him by my side. He holds my purse, watches children, and even browses the racks to pick out things for me or one of our 5 girls to try on.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's awesome. My husband, is not there, yet. He would love for me to sit with him thru all those hobbies he does engage in - but would not engage in those things with me unless he rushed me thru them, which is not my way. I take my time - to look for deals, try things on, comparison shop. He hates it. He'd pay more despite our meager circumstances to leave sooner.

      Delete
  7. I loved this post! This described my marriage at one point - for a long time. There is hope! I thank God, things changed. I sat by his last weekend while he washed the car. Neighbors wondered why I was sitting. I enjoyed just being near him.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This is so true. I prayed diligently for my marriage for 2 years. I asked God to help me be a better wife. After 2 year my husband still left b/c God does allow free will in our life. He was not submitting to the vows we took to each other b/f God.. Of course I do not profess to be the perfect wife however God reassured me amidst the pain, rejection, and all the emotion s a woman feels after being left. I knew by heeding to this call to give it all I had and PRAY I had a peace with myself I would not otherwise had.

    ReplyDelete
  9. What if you are the only one putting effort into the marriage? Even with God, how can I make it work? It's not a bad marriage, just no romance, intimacy, affection. We get along great, have fun together. What else can I do?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 1 Peter 3:5-6 (DM's paraphrase) The holy women of old who HOPED IN GOD [this is key] adorned themselves by submitting to their husbands. So submit to your husbands and do good to them, and do not fear ANYTHING that is frightening. You can do this as long as your HOPE is in GOD.
      The verse was previously posted by someone. All you can do is what our Lord has called you to do. Leave your husband in the Lord's hand, and pray his heart is drawn to you more and more. Find out how to best show him respect and love. May our Lord bless your marriage.

      Delete
  10. I never heard of a Christian husband who will not touch his wife if she's too fat. The first time it happened was when I got pregnant, so I thought maybe it was just because he was uncomfortable with the whole idea. Then, when the extra weight didn't come off fast, he stopped touching me, no affection except a kiss good-bye before leaving for work. I thought it was a physical problem he was having and asked if he wanted to go see a doctor--he said, "no". I lost the extra weight, and miracles of miracles, our marriage was back to "normal". I recently gained the weight back, and "surprise, surprise", the affection went away again! I am not trying to lose the weight, but feeling that how my husband is treating me is not love, but lust. As a Christian wife, do I take what he gives me or what? I've talked to him about it, but he either doesn't say anything or he turns the table on me and says I'm nagging/treating him bad. I've never found a book that addresses this. Plus, he goes out to lunch with a woman every now and then, just the two of them. I've told him it make me uncomfortable and that I don't feel it's right to do that, but he doesn't care--he keeps doing it because she overweight and he's not attracted to her. One more thing: I LOVE being with my husband of 21 years--I could hang out with him 24/7 and enjoy it. He, on the other hand, is a "loner" and doesn't like to do anything with me. He'll ask the kids to do things with him, but never me. I've always been lonely in this marriage, but this "fat" issue is really hard to take.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I pray your husband learns that you are a blessing. I wonder what his relationship is with our Lord. It is impossible for anyone to have an intimate relationship with the Lord and not desire the same thing with their spouse. It sounds as though he needs some accountability as a husband. Do not push him, as it is the Lord's place to convict through His spirit. Pray for him, but remember we are to stand in truth.

      Matthew 18: 15-18 “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. “But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED. “If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. “Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven.

      Delete
  11. Thank you Anonymous (May 9 at 12:38pm) for posting your thoughts. We are in the same place. Someday the Lord will hopefully explain why. I just tell myself this must be my walk of the cross. It's a terrible ache in the heart. It actually felt comforting to know someone else knows what I'm feeling. It's so hard to read about women who have such closeness with their husbands. There isn't much written about our situation, is there? Blessings to you :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. My husband is verbally and emotionally abusive. He threatens divorce and accuses me of affairs on a regular basis. I would so much like a marriage like yours. I pray for him, about him, about our marriage and feel closer to the Lord than I ever have, but feel no headway with my husband.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thank you, Trevor, for your godly advice. I continue to pray for God's will in my marriage, and it's nice to know there are people out there who care. Blessings to you and your family!

    ReplyDelete


I'm grateful that you have stopped in here today, and blessed by your presence.



While I encourage readers to have open discussion and differing opinions any comments that I deem as rude, distasteful, or merely for the purpose of stirring up debate will be deleted. In other words--play nice. ;)


Whether you are a first time visitor or a long-time reader. You are welcome here!