Wednesday, May 22, 2013

The Best Move You Can Make in Your Marriage


He wasn't about to budge. That much was evident.

I could see it in his eyes. Could tell by his body language. My husband was in his Brick-Wall-Mode and he wasn't moving.

All I'd done was ask him to change - only change this one thing that bothered me greatly - and yet he was rather closed to the idea. Completely closed, in fact. I'm not even sure if he was listening.

What to do now?

That's what I was left wondering. Because I sure wanted him to do it differently.

I figured I had options. I might resort to crying, yelling, whining, pouting or maybe some serious nagging---although I'd have to admit I've never had much success with any of those approaches. Nor could I find any support for it in the Bible. No, I would have to come up with a better plan.

So with a big, heavy sigh, I began praying.

Not a stiff, formal prayer, but a pour-your-heart-out and a Lord-You-made-this-man-so-now-what? kind of prayer. I bet you know the kind I'm talking about.

And then I waited. Prayed some more. Waited and waited and waited.

Still nothing.

Then I did what came naturally - I gave up. And our life continued on as usual.

Until one day while I was chopping vegetables in the kitchen, he walked by me and dropped a simple remark. It went something like this, "You know that thing that was bugging you? Well, I've decided I'm not going to do it anymore." And that was that.

Can you believe it?? That beloved Brick Wall of Mine had moved after all.

I didn't say anything, but continued dicing the onions. With tears streaming down my cheeks. Silly onions - what they'll do to a woman.

God had changed what I could not.

He had heard my prayers and He'd been working all along. I just couldn't see it.

And that might be where you're at right now. In that waiting and praying and waiting place.  Maybe it's something really big, or maybe only a tiny matter. But either way, it's a blessing and a comfort to bring it all before The Lord and know that He's listening. He is always listening.

The Power of Prayer in Our Marriage

Sometimes God has the most marvelous ways of answering our prayers. I've witnessed some lovely miracles. Seen Him reverse many seemingly impossible situations.  He’s our loving Redeemer who cares for us. 

Sometimes He holds off His answer for a long time. Longer than we'd like. But don't give up (like I did - oh, me of little faith). Keep bringing your cares and concerns before The Lord.

Sometimes the work God wants to do is in US - and not the other person. More than once, it's turned out that I was the one who needed to change - much to my great surprise - when I was so certain that he was the one with the problem. So be willing, even desiring, for Him to do His work in you too. 

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus (Phil.4:6-7).
So the best move you can make in your marriage?

Pray.

Pray for him. Pray for you. Ask God to do His mighty work in your marriage. Thank Him for what He's already doing - where you can see it and even where you can't just yet.

Because if He can move mountains? Then he can move brick walls.

I know. I've watched Him move mine.

Even watched Him move me. 

Thank you, Lord.

He is doing a good work in us.
...being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ (Phil. 1:6).
In His grace,




Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matt Jacobson, literary agent and writer, and together they enjoy raising 8 children. Please join her over at Club31Women, a blog for any wife, mother, or sister who is looking for Biblical encouragement and inspiration. 
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27 comments:

  1. I so enjoyed your post today as God spoke to my heart as I was reading it. He is moving in my behalf right now and it seems like nothing was happening but now I know that He is moving. When I was going to marry my husband, I was scared to death because my husband is a good man, but no one can tell him what to do, so God said when you need help with him, just pray and I will handle him for you. Twenty-four years later, God has never let me down. Just pray!

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  2. Thank you. I experience prayer helps. I prayed for my husband and ... after years he became honest.He learned to have more empathy.

    But ... it all started when I saw myself in the mirror. In the mirror of God's Wo rd.We are all imperfect people. Loved by God. Precious.

    Great posting. LOVE it.

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  3. Thank you for that article! That happened with me as well. I wish more wives would understand that God wants to change US, for us to go to Him for everything and to trust HIM, not rely on ourselves. Thank you for your ministry :)

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  4. Thank you once again Lisa and Darlene!! Your post today was once again right on time! I am in the "Waiting Stage" right now! So often I have been tempted to just go ahead and do things MY way. And then ~ God brings someones post, like yours today into my life and I know that he is saying "WAIT!" God is so amazing and His timeing is so perfect!!

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  5. Thank you for this beautiful post. I feel like it was written just for me. It is exactly what I needed to read this morning.

    I think it's time for me to fall on my knees and seek God's guidance.

    God bless you!

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  6. I am learning to pray and let God. We are an unequally yoked married couple. He is a believer, but not like me. So I am letting go and letting God often.

    I pray for him, not "for him".

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  7. Thanks for sharing! This is a huge area in my life I need to work on.

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  8. This is exactly where my heart has been for over two years, our whole marriage. There is a sin habit in my husband that I was not aware of until after we were engaged, he promised he'd stop by our first anniversary, but he "forgot" that he'd made the promise, and now he doesn't have the motivation to follow through. At one point I had given up praying at all because I felt my prayers were useless. I have tried every method of getting him to do it short of the "biggest ultimatum", which I refuse to try. It's a struggle just to keep going and have faith. Thank you for giving me another jump start to keep going.

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    1. My heart and prayers go out to you, Jody! That IS a very difficult situation for you! Maybe it will help you to remember that if it IS a sin, God is working on your husband even when you aren't praying -- it is between God and him. I pray that the Holy Spirit will speak to him relentlessly, and that God will give him the strength to let go of his "habit"!!
      Those kinds of things are very difficult to give up, because sometimes the habit part is being used as a crutch for something else inside that person, so it's more than simply "STOP"!

      Bless you as you try to be the wife God wants you to be to His imperfect child - your husband. I will pray for both of you!!!

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    2. Hi Jody,
      My husband was stubborn for 29 years. In 10 months we turned a failing marriage into an A++ marriage without marriage counseling. Our book, When It's All Her Fault, is about our story and it is available at Amazon.com
      God is doing a new work in marriages these days. He wants our marriages to reflect He and His Bride even more than we want it. Know that even God does not get good behavior from a bad apple. He waits to be invited to do His work and then He will change your husband's heart.
      I want to encourage you to not lay down your will and ask for God's will to be done. Instead will His will with your entire being. Take action! Don't ever lay your will aside. God wants to partner with you. You were created to partner with him. If you don't keep caring about your husband's heart, who will? You are the best thing that has ever happened to him!
      Email me if you want to talk. Janet

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  9. This is by far my most favorite of your posts. It couldn't have come on a better day. Thank you!

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  10. Absolutely perfect timing! I need to get out of his face so God can work. After all, he's the only one who can change hearts and move those mountains (and 'brick walls'). Thank you for this post!

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  11. Jennifer,
    Your post is wise and timely. I've been praying about somethings in my husband for the length of our marriage with no apparent change, and others God has graciously altered. Even if some things never change, I am better for having talked to my heavenly FAther about them, submitted the answers to him in faith, and then trusted that regardless of the answers, "He who began a good work in ME will be faithful to complete it." Visiting from Hungry for God . . . Starving for Time today and glad I did.

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  12. Thanks. So special for me and an encouragement to continue pray!

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  13. I have needed this, and I need to read it again. Just pray... thank you!

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  14. Thank you for sharing this, it is very timely in my life. My husband of 16 years has been on the way to a divorce court for the last 4 years or so. I have only recently told him I refuse to divorce him until I hear unequivocally from the Lord that I have His permission to leave my marriage. At this point I am in intensive prayer and waiting time. We have not lived together in a long time making it even more tough. But we serve a prayer answering God and I know that nothing is impossible with Him.

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    1. Your husband wants to be free of you. Don't cling to him. Wouldn't you want a husband who is staying because he sincerely and voluntarily wants to be near you and resolve whatever problems you're facing rather than one who is being forced? If you have to force someone to stay with you, you are not respecting his needs and wants to be free from you and it is a shell of a relationship. Maybe I am biased. My sister's s husband was abusive and put her in hospital several times. After a decade of unanswered prayers for him to stop beating her up she took matters into her own hands and divorced him. He stalked her for a few more years, saying he refused to let her leave him. She lived in daily terror and developed sever stomach ulcers from the stress. I am in no way saying you are at fault for your husband wanting to divorce you (although many times it is not the one who formally leaves who ended the marriage). But I am saying that refusing to respect his choice to be free of you is harming whatever little relationship you have left. You cannot control another person's heart and mind no matter how much you try. Why not leave to the Lord. If He changes your husband's heart and brings him back to you then your prayers will he answered. Sometimes the Lord doesnot answer prayers the way we want and then we just have to accept that we cannot always have things go the way we want. Good luck on your journey.

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  15. I really want to know what it was that you wanted to change about him

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  16. Such a timely word for me today, thank you.

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  17. Thank you for the gentle reminder so do the thing that doesn't always come naturally for some of us! Blessings,

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  18. Thank you. I have been in tears today over a heartbreaking situation in my marriage. The only thing I can do is pray and sometimes that just doesn't seem like enough. You have reminded me that prayer is enough. My Savior is enough and He will see me through.

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  19. "...a pour-your-heart-out and a Lord-You-made-this-man-so-now-what? kind of prayer." Oh yes! Have done many of those, still do!

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  20. Of course I'm DYING to know what he was doing that bugged you :)

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  21. Thank you.

    I'm in the "waiting" period, and I needed encouragement today--right now.

    Help me, Father, to see him through Your eyes.

    Amen

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  22. Thank you. A great post. My husband is going through some things right now, and it is affecting our marriage. I just need to remember to let go and let God. Now I am going to go pray for my man <3

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  23. Your comment: "Pray for him. Pray for you. Ask God to do His mighty work in your marriage. Thank Him for what He's already doing - where you can see it and even where you can't just yet." For many months I prayed these things and asked God to show me how to be a better wife and meet my husband's needs. I thanked him for healing our marriage. My husband of over three decades divorced me this year! Now what?

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