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Guest contributor, Lisa Jacobson from Club31Women.com
10, 243
A somewhat surprising number, isn't it?
Rather amazing. That's how many times I've calculated we've held hands. Over 10,000 times. My slim hand tucked into his large, strong one. Our fingers entwined and my wedding ring tucked in between. Perhaps the fact that we've been married for 20 years may help account for this impressive number.
But then again...maybe it doesn't explain a thing.
You should be shocked that we hold hands at all. You see, the odds were against us from the get-go.
Those two will wake up hating each other.
That's what the pastor pronounced at our wedding ceremony. He really did. Now he didn't say it publicly - merely mentioned it casually afterward to those standing nearby. In his professional opinion, we didn't stand a chance.
Wake up hating?? Not exactly the blessing a new bride looks for on her wedding day. It would seem we were doomed. Declared incompatible from the very start.
Then oh! how I dreaded that day when we'd wake up hating each other. I'd always hoped we'd turn out the lights loving one another. And wake up just the same. Every day for the rest of our lives.
A few years went by and we looked on while many of our friends' marriages fell apart. He and I lay next to each other in the dark, quietly praying and weeping for them. Our hearts breaking for their hearts - for theirs and for their children's. It wasn't how anyone ever wanted it.
And I wept a little from fear, too. What would happen to us? Were we going to be next?
As if he could read my thoughts, he grasped my hand and whispered, "Let's not do that, Babe. Let's love each other instead." That's all he said. But I knew what he meant and I squeezed his hand back to let him know that he could count me in. We were going up against the odds.
Now here we are, twenty years later, and still holding hands. Still learning to love each other. Still determined to never grow cold or hateful toward the other. Yes, by God's grace, I'm still reaching for his hand.
For All Those Who're Going Against the Odds
A good marriage is possible. You can do this. Don't let others tell you that you're never going to make it. Maybe you can't on your own, but with God's help you can.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13).
A good marriage is worth fighting for. Band together and recognize the real Enemy. This is a spiritual battle. It's not about him and it's not about you - it's so much bigger than both of you. Fight hard for this one.
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places (Eph.6:12).
For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places (Eph.6:12).
A good marriage is worth loving him for. Keep looking for ways to love him more. Don't try to do it the world's way, but seek to have a Christ-centered marriage.
And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma (Eph.5:2).
And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma (Eph.5:2).
A good marriage is worth praying for. If I had one "secret" to how we've overcome the odds? I'd say it was prayer. Marriage has dramatically increased - and improved - my prayer life. It's changed him. And it's changed me.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God (Phil. 4:6).
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God (Phil. 4:6).
A good marriage is worth staying together for. Those vows you exchanged meant something real. You've been joined and the two of you are one - to live, love and walk with each other. Stick together.
"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh" (Eph.5:31).
"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh" (Eph.5:31).
So this morning I woke up loving him. One more day in our favor. Each of us with a coffee cup in one hand and holding hands with the other. It made me wonder if we might just beat those odds after all. Thank you, Lord!
Here's to holding hands another 10,000 times....and I hope the same for you. And even more.
Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matt Jacobson, literary agent and writer, and together they enjoy raising 8 children. Please join her over at Club31Women, a blog for any wife, mother, or sister who is looking for Biblical encouragement and inspiration.
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Great post Lisa. You had me saying amen with the title and then laughing at your calculation of how many times you've held hands with your husband. I will celebrate 23 years of marriage later this year and my husband and I hold hands every chance we get. It wasn't on our wedding day, but we were told early in our marriage that our personalities were not compatible and that our relationship wouldn't last. Also like you, we have unfortunately watched some of our friends marriages fall apart. Hard work and commitment to each other and keeping God central in our lives together is what's kept us together. Praying God's blessing on your marriage Lisa and that God gives you many more years together!
ReplyDeleteOh Lisa...this right here...AMAZING! I'm not sure if I've commented before but the title of this post grabbed my attention. For most of my marriage (married 23 years) it felt as though we were fighting against the odds. Twice we actually seperated but I'm so grateful that God's plan for us prevailed. "Here's to holding hands another 10,000 times." Beautiful!
ReplyDeleteI am at 23 years now..3 young kids...every day is less and less communication.. I can't even talk to him.. he won't listen anyway..our previous kids..to say its difficult to keep an happy and brave face on..is an understatement... I am very much alone...I will continue to pray and will stay for kids...but you know...u can't do it alone!
DeleteSo sorry to hear about your situation. Am praying for you, friend.
DeleteMy heart goes out to you. I would encourage you to seek out a woman's resource center and see what they have to offer. I work for a Christ-centered crisis pregnancy center, but that is not all these centers do. They have programs to help woman who are in situations likes yours. All you need to do is search for the crisis pregnancy center in your area and give them a call. They can help. Make sure they are Christ-centered though! Many prayers my friend!
DeleteYes! Me and my Matt fight for our marriage, too. He is a counselor and pastor, so we see marriages fall apart right and left, and we both have made fierce determinations to work hard so we are not one of those stories. It is work, but we're 22 years in. He still makes my heart stop when he winks at me.
ReplyDeleteLisa: this is the second of such articles I've come across today. God knows that I need this information right now. I need to stand firm and fight hard right now. We're on the second go around at the seven year mark...please pray for us.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
ReplyDeleteIt breaks my heart that you heard such thoughtless words spoken on your wedding day. Reading what you wrote is not only beautiful encouragement, it is also an excellent reminder of the power of words. The pastor may never have meant for you to hear his words but still they are words that should never have been spoken. They found their way back to you and obviously haunted you for a long while. I pray that I may be as blessed as you have been and have another 10+ years with my husband. (I originally posted this at Club31 women, but I had wanted to post it here. Having got distracted with the kids though I didn't realize what page I was on.)
ReplyDeletea good marriage is worth fighting for and praying...i second that - 24 years and counting!
ReplyDeleteI've never heard of another pastor saying something against a marriage - so in one way I am thankful we are not the only ones. Long story short, my husband and I eloped. We had a wedding all planned, but because of family conflicts, we cancelled it and eloped. The pastor who was originally to marry us, wrote us a letter, and told us how disappointed he was, how we hurt others, and that our marriage would never last starting out this way. In June we celebrated 28 years. We have a dozen children (2 of which are in heaven) - 3 of them married and our first grandbaby on the way. NO, it's not been easy - it's been major work. BUT, we made a commitment, even through the rough time. Statistics are that 75% of marriages do not make it after the loss of a child - we have buried two - a stillborn girl and a 16 year old son. Especially after our son's death, it was very difficult. At times, were ready to run - but God held us together - and our children did, and yes, marriage is worth fighting for and praying for. Thank you for sharing your story.
ReplyDeleteGood!I'm so Glad for you. I pray that you and the rest of you make it to fifty or longer. My beloved and I will be married fifty years next month (August 10). We are so looking forward to it. I love to read about happy couples in Messiah and HIS Word, and pray for others that are having a rough time.
DeleteMy husband of 6 years came to me out of the blue 3 months ago and said"I'm just not happy. I'm leaving". I thought we were forever. We never fought or argued, agreed on everything- and he NEVER let on at all that anything was wrong. I am devastated. Please pray for me, and for God to change my husbands heart-and bring him back home where he is loved unconditionally, and belongs, in the loving name of Jesus. Pray with me that God will cast out whatever spirit drove him away and is keeping him away, in Jesus powerful name. Amen. Thank you to each one who takes the time to pray this in agreement with me.
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you right now. You are not alone.
DeleteI'm so sorry for you. I know your pain. My husband of 35 years did the same. However, after nearly 4 years he has returned, and we are putting our lives back together. He is now very sorry for his actions. I will certainly pray for you.
DeleteI totally understand how u feel. Ive only been married for a year and ten months and my husband left five months ago. He has on several occasion like today asked for a divorce and said he wants nothing to do with me. We have a ten month old baby boy so its heartbreaking. The enemy despises marriage bcuz it goes against Gods will, bt like u woman of God am praying the same prayer. That God will destroy whatever spirit that has turned his heart cold towards me.
DeleteDear Anonymous,
DeleteI would be honoured to pray for you. the same thing happened to me after six years of what I thought was a happy marriage. Be encouraged to stand in the gap for your one flesh mate, God can and will heal and restore broken marriages. Never cease praying for your prodigal spouse to repent and come home, for Him to turn his heart of stone into a heart of flesh Ezekiel 36 vs 16. Rejoice Marriage Ministries has been a wonderful source of encouragement for me, they have a website. Blessings,
I'm so sorry your going through this. I am on the exact same boat and it's incredibly hard. My husband did almost the identical thing yours did. Except mine didn't come right out and say it. He distanced himself from me for a few weeks then I had to drag it out of him when I couldn't take it anymore. I think the worst part is he seems so happy and confident in his decision and I still don't even understand exactly went wrong. He has his own personal issues with his past but I still don't see how it ties in with the marriage. It's really hard. I don't know who you are or what your name is but your in my prayers. I suggest seeking a counselor through your church. It helped me get through this tough time. And I will continue to stand for my marriage until God shows me otherwise. It's important not to give up even though it seems easier to do so sometimes. But if you seek God and lift your husband up to him then God will restore your life in one way or another. I really feel marriage has been under attack by the enemy this year. We should all be praying for marriages in general.
DeleteWhat a great story. We hold hands all the time, and we've been married for 14 years. It's such a connecting activity; we even hold hands in church!
ReplyDeleteThis is so awesome. I'm 23 and single (sigh… :P), but when my time comes, I have a legacy of parents who have stayed together 26 years and two pairs of grandparents who are approaching 60 (though one grandfather is now with the Lord) to look up to. It is stories like yours and stories like theirs that give me hope for my own future.
ReplyDeleteYes, your marriage is worth fighting for .. and the way to fight is on your knees! If you would like a Scripture-based prayer for your marriage, here is one that you might use as a guide: http://bit.ly/1aAdzhl.
ReplyDeleteWhy can't I find any resources for shoring up a bad marriage with a non-believer?? It's so frustrating that all the Christian sites I read assume a Christian husband.
ReplyDeleteMy friend Lynn has much experience with this topic, so I often refer people to her blog. She's a great writer and a wise woman.
Deletehttp://unequalmarriage.typepad.com/
I pray my wife will "wake up" and come back to our marriage, but her heart has turned hard and full of anger towards me. All I can do is pray for her.
ReplyDeleteI've never had to suffer like some of you. Be brave. Keep a pure heart. I do suffer because of misunderstandings, lack of listening,and loneliness. I pour myself into work when he is not available to me. Never compare what you have to someone else's marriage. It all looks different on the outside. My husband is faithful,serving to me and a good provider. Nothing prepared me for his anger over little things. Sometimes I can make himlaugh and sometimes I want to give up. This issue needs to be addressed by a counselor. We have done this 4 times. You need a good one. I had a good one and then we moved. I haven't been able to get him to another. We hold hands crossing the DC streets, in the movies , watching TV . We can talk about lots of things or other people, but this problem keeps surfacing. I work real hard to see his point of view and respect him. Yes, I pray,too. I feel trapped at times. I do believe it was his upbringing. We are Catholic and will stay married. (over 40 years now.)
ReplyDeleteSorry for your loneliness...try to talk to God...He will listen. Try not to have any expectations from your husband...sometimes that attitude helps one to grow the other person...I pray that God can help your marriage grow and blossom...
DeleteMarried for 14 years and nearly gave up. There hasn't been much hand-holding in our marriage (I can count the number of times as less than 100)... but we laugh every single day... even through the hard things. Marriage is by-far the hardest thing I have ever done... even more challenging than being a mom... but I think it's worth it... especially if you almost lose it all, and recover the magic of first love. <3 him more today...
ReplyDeleteWow! I'm shocked by the Pastors comment. Obviously, he didn't have faith in God's Work. All our friends said it wouldn't last, I was 20, he was 31. This year we celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary and lost our 23 yr. old middle son at the same time. It's a new path we're on together, some days I hold his hand and pull him along and some days he holds mine and pulls me.
ReplyDelete