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The other day I shared this quote with my readers on facebook, “God I pray that You would mold me into the wife my husband needs me to be.”
While the quote was favorable among hundreds of readers there were a few that didn’t see it quite the same way.
One reader said, “My husband loves and accepts me just the way that I am. I don’t need to change myself for him.” That’s not so uncommon. In fact I can’t count the number of women who would agree with that statement. All we have to do is turn on the television to see that it’s a popular mindset.
I mulled that thought around for a while, and after much thought and prayer I started to gain a deeper understanding of this desire to change.
Why should we change? Do we need to change? And if I do change, who am I changing for?
The bottom line is that we are molded by the Father—not according to that which our husband desires, but rather that which fulfills our purpose.
And the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” ~ Genesis 2:18, KJV
Love is a beautiful thing, but it demands sacrifice through sickness and through health. I’m prepared to meet my husband’s needs today, but what if they change tomorrow—will I be prepared? It’s easy for a marriage to thrive when conditions are good, but what about those times when the going gets tough? Stress, sickness, poverty, and distance are a reality for many families. Life tends to throw us a curve ball at times, and so in order for us to be prepared for those rough patches we must be exercised by faith.
Here’s a quote by Francis Chan who says it better than I ever could:
It is true that God may have called you to be exactly where you are. But, it is absolutely vital to grasp that he didn’t call you there so you could settle in and live your life in comfort and superficial peace.And so, getting back to that quote we see how necessary it is to be molded into the wife that he needs. Here’s the thing, we can either refuse to grow with the mindset that we are perfect just the way we are, or we can be clay in the hands of a Potter who has our best interest at heart.
It’s through the working of patience and the endurance of trials that we grow in spirit. These are the very things that equip us to handle tomorrow.
When we allow God to shape us into the woman our husband needs rather than the woman we think we should be, we live out our purpose and bring glory to God.
You are loved by an almighty God,
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I believe God's will for my life is to be my husband's helper. With this in mind I recognize if I were working an outside job, and my boss's needs changed, it would change my job description. So in a similar way I find that over years of marriage my husband's needs have changed and its been necessary for me to ask the Lord to change me. Let me illustrate...
ReplyDeleteThree years ago my husband went into depression. As he started coming out his personality changed quite a bit. In some ways it was like I was married to a different man. All of a sudden it was hard for me to know what to expect from a man I'd been married to for over 20 years. I found myself frustrated and crying out to God. The Lord showed me that his needs had changed and therefore I needed to make adjustments.
I also want to comment that our husbands change to meet our needs too - when its that time of the month, when we are pregnant, menopause, etc. We're in this journey, called marriage, together. Just as the path curves and changes, so must we.
Really thought provoking post! Is it that I am to mold myself completely to his desires and whims, or to that woman that God designed me to be and the wife HE desires me to be for my husband. What my husband needs. Is it what he prefers or likes or is it something more? Is it limited to what my husband thinks he needs or is it something bigger? Good things to think about and I do agree with your post. Live to serve others and to please One... When we seek to please God, ultimately, we will please our husband as I Peter 3 talks about.
ReplyDeleteThis is an excellent thought provoking post, and your answer was well stated to the reader who commented: "My husband loves and accepts me just the way that I am. I don’t need to change myself for him.”
ReplyDeleteMay I say to that, "my husband, too, loved and accepted me just the way I was." It was when I began to allow God to change me into His image that my husband no longer accepted me. You see, we can lose our own identity by being people pleasers, and not God pleasers.
Ironically, God knows what our husband's real needs are, and not his selfish desires. That is the reason, He choses us to be our husband's helpmate, and that may take changing on our part to line up with God's Word as his wife.
Martha Bush
Very well said. I completely agree!
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post and for the courage to write it! I know that God has changed and molded me so much over the 12 years of marriage to my husband. All of the change has come not through submitting to my husband's will, but to God's will. I grew up with an abusive mother and, therefore, was very co-dependent. I thought that I needed to earn love and that that was accomplished by giving into someone's else's agenda - often, at the expense of doing what was right. My husband, on the other hand, grew up getting his way more often than not. In order to really love him, there have been times where God has had me confront behaviors in my husband that were dysfunctional or unhealthy by laying down my broken desire to give in (to keep love or keep him happy, that was the "broken" motivation) and trust God's love to be more than enough to see my through with boundary setting. All of this being done while also respecting my husband with kind and encouraging words, or even keeping my tongue and just praying for strength and God's timing to work all things out for His glory and our mutual good. I heard an important quote once that said "the primary purpose of marriage is not happiness, but learning how to love." That has helped my perspective and attitude more times than I could count. I thank God everyday for His wonderful plans for our marriage and the fruit of trusting Him has been beyond my wildest dreams. To clarify, I also feel that submitting to our husbands is so critical and the Bible is clear on this. The submission being that God has made our husbands the spiritual heads of our families. As wives, we need to relinquish the desire to occupy that space and encourage, support and respect our husbands in that role. It does not mean that they make all of the decisions independent from our counsel and God's - it simply means, we need to let them be the head and come alongside them as the strong and necessary lifesavers and life givers that God made us to be!!!
ReplyDeleteThis should go both ways. The man should mold himself to be the husband we "need" him to be. Marriage is a two way street. Gob bless you!
ReplyDeleteDo you have anything on your website that helps wives support husbands who are dealing with deep depression? For me I feel as thought my husbands depression is a spiritual battle ... it exhausts me and I would love to find a resource that could help me 1) cope with his depression and 2)help him in the midst of it.
ReplyDeleteThank you
I wish I had some articles on that topic, but unfortunately I don't. I think that I might have seen some written by Gina on Keepin' it Real. I'm pretty sure that she's written some stuff on depression.
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