High Tides.
That was the name of the restaurant. I can even remember what I ordered that night: Scallops Provencal. Cooked in butter, garlic, lemon, white wine...but I'd better stop there. Fresh seafood is considered something of a specialty here in the Pacific Northwest and High Tides Grill is known for some of the best.
So my husband and I were very willing to meet our longtime friends there for dinner. We all enjoyed a lovely evening together - good food and good fun. Both friends have a terrific sense of humor and my sides ached by the end of our time with them.
Still laughing as we climbed into the car to go home, I noticed my husband was unusually quiet. So I asked him, "Tired, Honey?"
No, that wasn't it.
Then it occurred to me. "Are you upset?"
He didn't answer, but my instincts told me yes.
"Oh," I add sympathetically. "Did John say something that bothered you?" (Might be he was rather funny, but he could be offensive at times too).
No, that wasn't it either.
Hmmm...thought about it for a minute or so.
"It's not ME, is it? Did I do something??"
My mind mentally raced through the entire evening, trying to think of what I could have said or done to have offended him. I drew a blank.
But after asking a few questions, we began discussing it. In all our joking around that night, we got to teasing my husband about one of his quirky characteristics. It was all in fun and friendship, mind you.
Or so I thought.
But my husband - the Man I Love - didn't appreciate this kind of humor. Not one bit. In particular, he didn't appreciate my participation in it.
Please understand, it was never my intention to hurt him. Or dishonor him.
But that was what I'd done. Both of those. And I felt simply terrible for having done so. It was so wrong and so the opposite of what I truly thought about him.
Something of a low-tide moment in our marriage.
I asked his forgiveness, of course, and he gave it. But I decided then and there that I never wanted to do anything like that again.
My husband needs to know that he can count on me to always speak well of him in front of others. That he didn't have to be concerned about "what I'd say next" to other people. That I'd never again look for that little laugh - at his expense.
That he could trust me.
Because I have my husband's heart. It's in my hands and not to be treated lightly or carelessly. Like I did that night. No. He needs to know that his heart is safe with me.
Sometimes, as wives, we can forget that his heart is in our keeping. We have this incredible privilege to look after him - in public, as well as in private - and that's something to take quite seriously.
My Love, you can trust me to speak highly of you around other people.
And, yes, it's high tide again for this marriage.
Today's Vow: To speak well of you in front of others
The Challenge: Look after your husband's heart, particularly by looking after his honor in public settings.
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her (Proverbs 31:11a).
In His grace,
Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matt Jacobson, literary agent and writer, and together they enjoy raising 8 children. Please join her over at Club31Women, a blog for any wife, mother, or sister who is looking for Biblical encouragement and inspiration.
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My father-in-law said, "Never joke about things that are true." That's good advice for honoring husbands. This is really good, Lisa!
ReplyDeleteI learned this one the hard way. Even though I have often felt my husband's pride to be a bit too fragile, I have humoured him and I wont be making that mistake again! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteDefinitely poked at my heart. My husband and I are both guilty of this. We're the enterainment of our group of friends, and we allow ourselves to be the "butt" of the jokes, but I think most of the time deep down it hurts us both. I definitely want to change this about myself. I want to never hurt him and I want to protect his heart. Am I right to want and ask the same thing of him?
ReplyDeleteThat is my question, too. Should it work both ways, that he should protect my heart, too, regardless of the fact that he thinks I am too sensitive?
DeleteI think this is something that if we love someone this would be a "want to", a given, both ways in a relationship. It would never be a "have to", nor a cause of resentment.
As his wife, I'm committed to speaking well of him and protecting his heart. Yet I don't think there's any reason why I couldn't ask him to do the same for me? After all, I have a heart too. :)
DeleteI just wouldn't want to base my willingness to do what I know to be right (honoring him) on whether or not he did the same for me?
This is excellent advice and I needed the reminder. My husband is my best earthly friend, and I only what to encourage him and not discourage him, but I am afraid there are times I do. Thank you for this message.
ReplyDeleteThe day of my wedding my great aunt gave me some advice.....never say anything bad or negative about your husband. Let others see how wonderful he is because you don't complain about him. They will think he's perfect and you will too because you will forgive and probably forgett what it was you were mad or upset about to begin with. Your friends and family won't. This is great advice that's worked for 15 years now. He IS a blessing that I thank God for everyday! Wendy
ReplyDeleteThank you for that reminder. I would never intentially hurt my husband but I know words do hurt so I have to carefully to encourage and lift him up like he does me.
ReplyDeleteI actually did vow this in my wedding vows. Before I got married, I decided that I wasn't going to vow anything to my husband that I couldnt back up with scripture. So, I used the verse of "She will do him good, and not evil all his days"... in proverbs 31. One of the first virtues that was mentioned about the virtuous woman. I want my my husband to know that "his heart dwells safely with me."
ReplyDelete