Thursday, February 21, 2013

If You Never Read Another One of My Posts... Read THIS One



You might remember that last October we had a marriage challenge called, "Revive Your Marriage." If you don't remember, you can find all of the posts here. One of the weeks we talked about reviving your attitude, and I said, "The tagline of my ministry is "Empowering Wives to Joyfully Serve." And the reason I chose that focus is because I firmly believe that in many cases our attitude can set the tempo in our home."

But today I don't really want to talk about what I said. What I do want to share with you is a post that one of our readers wrote called, "What if you didn't have 'one more time'?

Nicole asks, "If one day he didn't come home, would I have to live with regrets of how or what I did (or didn't do) for him?"

Just three months later she writes,"I'm not even sure that I have the words to say... On Thursday, December 13th, I received a phone call that forever altered my life. I got a call from my husband's business partner saying that a tree had fallen on him while he was working. I hurried down to the job only to find that he was already with Jesus." 

A sobering thought, isn't it? It could have been me, it could have been you, it could have been any one of us. Life is too short to take our loved ones for granted and Nicole realized that before he was gone. 

I asked Nicole if I could share her post with you--the one that she wrote just three months before her husband Chad went to be with the Lord.

What if You Didn't Have 'One More Time'?
Nicole from "I'm Staying Home With My Mom." 

This is a topic near and dear to my heart. I could have easily lost my hubby to a work accident a little over a year into our marriage. While that opened my eyes to how short life can be, I still fell back into a pattern of selfishness after he healed. We had some very hard years following that time. It always fell back to finances, which were frequently non-existent. We were aware that our fights almost always fell back to a money issue, but I think I also liked to fight because I had this insatiable desire to be right (and be in control).

My need to be in control (of everything) was causing me to base my treatment of my hubby on works (what he did for me or how he treated me). I'm not even sure when it hit me, but one day I had a realization.

If one day he didn't come home, would I have to live with regrets of how or what I did (or didn't do) for him? 

 For example:

  • Would getting up to pack his lunch be a big deal?
  • Would I long to rub his back....just one more time? (He has back issues due to the accident and I too often gripe about this never ending task)
  • Would I find the energy to 'have fun in the bedroom'....just one more time?
  • Would I drop what I was doing to help him with whatever....just one more time?

I have to be careful because these thoughts can cause me to fall into a state of constant worry that something will, indeed, happen to him....but keeping this perspective has taken so much of the laziness or irritation that sometimes pops up at bay.

I cringe when I hear women griping about having to do this or that for their hubby. I just think, "What if he wasn't here. What would you give to be able to do that for him one more time?"

I used to get so mad when my hubby didn't act how I wanted him to or do what I wanted him to, but when you are just thankful for one more day with him, it makes the little things seem so unimportant.

Yes, I still occasionally whine about rubbing his back. I still grumble to myself when I pick his dirty clothes up off the floor or put his dog collar chargers away (for the millionth time)....but in my mind I constantly hear "be thankful for this stuff to do because it means he's still here with you".

Perspective is everything!

There will always be things that bug you about your spouse, but in their absence...would those things actually be that bad?


This is Nicole with her dear husband and high school sweet heart Chad. Please keep Nicole and her children in your prayers. And while you do, perhaps you'd like to visit her blog to leave her a note of encouragement? Be gentle with her heart and love on her as Jesus would have us to do.

Here's a link to her blog: I'm Staying Home With My Mom

Thank you for your encouragement, Nicole. You have taught us all a lesson in love that we won't soon forget. 

You are loved by an almighty God,



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22 comments:

  1. WOW!!! that just put my grumbling into perspective!

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  2. What a blessing that she learned this valuable lesson before the Lord took him home. Life is so precious and we are called to love others which includes our husbands. So thankful for all the blogs out there teaching women this very important command from God.

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  3. I've been in her shoes and I totally agree. You'd better love them while you have them. I lost my husband 11 years ago. That's when you wish you had....you name it!

    The Lord has given me a second chance - another wonderful husband. I don't want any more "I wish I would have...." or "Why did I...."

    The Lord is gracious and forgiving but wouldn't it be better if we just counted the ones He's given us AS BLESSINGS instead of headaches. You do miss having to pick up his socks or packing his lunch. You do wish you had made love to him one more time.

    Don't live your life full of regrets. Love your mate with all you've got (with all of his faults).

    Suzette

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  4. Very touching post. Keep giving us the attitude adjustments!

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  5. Thank you for the post today. My husband of now 30 years unexpectantly had to have heart bypass in August. When he went in we thought it would be triple but turned out to be quad. He did great after surgery. Now this is a man who has never been sick or in the hospital! He started losing weight and was the perfect patient - I can say that because I am a nurse and I know the different types of patients! Any way on Labor Day at 5 AM I received a call that he had suffered a stroke and was unable to speak. When I arrived 15 minutes later he was able to speak, knew who I was and the children but had problems saying what he was thinking. I will not write our story here but he is a miracle and I thank God every day for healing him. He does have a way to go but he has come so far. Yes I do get irritated with him LOTS of times but remember he really is not the same man I married and this is our new normal. Problem is he is self employed and money issues have always been a fighting problem with us. We now are struggling as he does not have any jobs at this time. We are getting behind in payments, etc. God is good! I am thankful I still have him with me. Praying that God will release us from this financial bondage and provide more jobs for his company. Nicole I am praying for you - your story made me stop this morning and thank God once again for all He has done for us. Also, said a prayer for you and your family that He will continue to hold you in His loving arms and comfort you as you walk the journey hand in hand with Him. Jane

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  6. Very grateful I happened upon this post today. Hugs and blessings, Cindy

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  7. Oh my gosh she has some of the feelings that I had when I was a widow at 32 with four kids to raise . I so know what she has said when she tried to explain about how she had the peace and some people did not understand I had that as well .

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  8. Thank you for this beautiful post. It is something all women need to think about. When my husband was 25, we had just been married 5 years and had a 1 yr. old and a 2 year old, he had open heart surgery and 3 bypasses - one they couldn't do. They gave him 6-8 years to live and said he had the heart of a 70 year old man. He will turned 61 this year and I thank God for every moment we have. I have lived in this "what if" realm for 36 years, with many more scares. I decided that day I would make him the happiest man in the world. Now I tease him when I thought that I didn't know he would live this long. Spats, irritations, and differences take a new light when viewed through this thought. I always remember if he weren't here, I would give anything to find underwear behind the door, water bottles by the bed, the alarm clock ringing because he didn't' turn it off when he got up and many more. Your blog is wonderful and I have received so many blessings from it. God bless you.

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  9. Last night I was in the middle of posting this article and I started to suffer with severe pain. It was so incredible that I almost went to the hospital. I couldn't finish posting the article and put it aside, but it was strong on my mind. I woke my husband and told him about the pain I was experiencing (maybe gallbladder attack? We're not sure) but the thing is that he stayed awake with me until I felt better. He got me as comfortable as I could possibly be without screaming in pain and kept soothing me until my body relaxed a bit. Three hours later the pain was gone, but the entire time I was thinking... what would I do without this man? How many times do things like this go unnoticed by me? What a gift it is to have a friend and companion to lean on.

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  10. I am so, so very sorry for her loss. I'm praying your heart is gently healed and you know the love of your husband remains. Your story has been so moving. I have been too tired, too busy to take care of my prince charming like the very, very beloved husband he is. (too many kids, homeschooling, worrying about money, so exhausted, pain... I just fall into bed at night and look to him for support.) Thank you for this wake up call.

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  11. Amazing!

    I pray Father, that You would comfort and heal Nicole. Allow her to experience Your love and feel Your presence in her life. Amen

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  12. Amen! Thank you for sharing! I try to keep this perspective, but it's not always easy. Thank you so much for this important reminder.

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  13. My Grammie-in-law would stand at the kitchen window to wave to her beloved as he went off to work. When asked why, she said, "Well, what if he didn't come home and I didn't make sure he knew he was loved as he went off to work?" I appreciate the wisdom from Grammie and Nicole. I needed to be reminded of this perspective.

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  14. Wow, thank you so much for sharing this with us. It really does put everything into perspective.
    Thank You Nicole for sharing your story with us so we can learn from your experience. Big Hugs!

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  15. My loss wasn't "instant" but it was young....and I too learned. I had a 3 year old and a 15 month old and we spent our days saying "One day when we have time...or money...or the kids are older" and One day never arrived. Just 13 days after our youngest turned 2, he died. One day is gone. Having remarried and had 2 more wonderful children, I find that the nagging doesn't happen. The one day tends to happen much sooner. We don't put things off, we make family time a priority and my heart goes out to people who deal with this kind of loss. It leaves a void that is never quite filled. Love to you!

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  16. I have had two IRL friends and one bloggy friend who have been widowed, with children, at a young age. Because of this, I always kiss my husband and my children goodbye. Even my 19 and 24 year old still kiss me goodbye when they leave. Because you just never really know.

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  17. This is a good perspective Darlene! Also I was so moved by her story I was in tears. Its an eye opener!

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  18. A precious friend lost her husband at a young age. When I got married, she whispered to me, "TAKE CARE OF YOUR SWEET HUSBAND. I'D GIVE ANYTHING TO PICK UP JOE LAMB'S SLIPPERS JUST ONE MORE TIME." I've never forgotten that. And we've been married 46 years.

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  19. Tears are falling. I recognize my selfishness with my husband. Thank you for sharing this.

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  20. Thank you for posting this. This is the 2nd blog post on a similar topic (the other was losing a son who was 15) in the last week. It's times like this that I wonder what the Lord is preparing me for (the Lord always gives us the tools we need before we walk through the trials)! A friend was widowed just a few years ago while she & her husband were in their early 30's. It has been a blessing to see 1st hand the way the Lord has carried her through that circumstance. I pray that I never take my husband or our 4 daughters for granted since the Lord is only letting me borrow them for a time. Thanks, again, Darlene.

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