You might call me a runner.
Not that I ever thought of myself in this way. That didn't really come out until after we were married.
It was at some point during our first year together when we were living in those hideous pink apartments. He said something that set me off and I found myself instinctively digging in my purse for the car keys. I desperately wanted out of there. Anywhere - far from him.
So when he walked to the back room to catch the evening news, I slipped out.
I knew he wouldn't like it. It was already getting late and we didn't live in the safest part of town. But I left anyway. It's what I do when I'm upset.
I run.
It wasn't so much a decision, as an impulse. I had this overwhelming urge to take off for a long drive into the night.
When I returned home much later, he was waiting up for me. I'd worried a little what his response would be, but needn't have. He only pulled me in close and held me tight.
I don't know what I was expecting, but not this.
We snuggled down together on the old familiar love seat and he gently took my hand in his own. Then he whispered into the dark,
"Baby, let's face it. I'm bound to bother you at times and there's a good chance you'll make me a bit crazy. But let's decide something right here and now. Let's determine we're not going to run from our problems - or from each other. If there's going to be any running going on, let's do it together. You can run right by my side."
My marriage changed at that very moment.
Or at least my perspective changed, and sometimes that's the same thing.
Without realizing it, I'd always viewed hardship and hurt as something to get away from - to dodge and to hide - not something to work through together. This was a new way of thinking for me. A new way to run.
So maybe you're a runner too? Although perhaps your running style looks a little different than mine. It's possible you don't fish in your purse for the car keys.
You might escape by keeping constantly busy.
Or you quietly pull into yourself.
You might be one who keeps dashing into the past.
Yet still you are running.
So, my fellow runners, if I could, I'd take your hand and say this...
Let's run to God with our cares and concerns. Rather than running away from them. Let's forget our old habits and impulses because we've got somewhere good to go now. Better yet, Someone to go to. We can confidently bring our troubles to Him.
Let's run by our husband's side. Think of him as your lifelong running partner. No need to take off by yourself any longer. What an encouraging thought for all of us runners! We can spur each other on---onward to a loving, peace-filled marriage.
Let's enjoy the run. We can get to looking down at all the bumps and turns and forget to notice all the wonderful progress that's been made too. Maybe we should slow down a bit, catch our breath, and glance around at how far we've come. This is an exciting, if sometimes challenging, run!
Let's run all the way to the finish line. As I'm currently training (entered a few local races), I see how powerful and compelling it is to keep your mind set on that end goal. When tired or discouraged, your determination to cross that line keeps you going. You anticipate celebrating the victory even long before you've reached there.
...I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Phil. 3:13-14).
So, yes, I'm a runner. But I'm running with the future in front of me.
I'm looking forward now.
To working through things together.
To him whispering sweet things to me in the dark.
To holding hands when we're eighty.
And to being there right by his side.
Running.
In His grace,
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Running.
In His grace,
Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matt Jacobson, literary agent and writer, and together they enjoy raising 8 children. Please join her over at Club31Women, a blog for any wife, mother, or sister who is looking for Biblical encouragement and inspiration.
Visit Time-Warp Wife on facebook: Click here
Check out Darlene's book, The Good Wife's Guide: Embracing Your Role as a Help Meet
Wow, very enlightening. I will remember that when I get married. To always run by his side, not away from him :)
ReplyDeleteGod bless you Lisa & Darlene
This post really spoke to me today. I don't know if I'm a runner. I need to think about that. I know I don't literally run.
ReplyDeleteBut thank you for sharing it.
I used to do this, too, except for me it looked like going to bed without saying goodnight. So hurtful to him. One day I vowed never to do that again, no matter how upset. I like the running together idea!
ReplyDeleteI realized last night that I am a runner, at least I want to be. When I think of having a difficult conversation I envision myself running at the end of it, though I don't normally in real life. That is what I used to do, I tried to escape the pain. Unfortunately, my husband is a sort of runner too. He shuts down and dismisses the problem without dealing with it. Where I hold on to things too long, he lets them go too soon before it has been dealt with. We are in the middle of that right now and I don't know how it is going to end. This post was timely. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI ran, and ran, and ran for years in my own marriage. It was all based around a fear of vulnerability and intimacy. I ran to extensive fantasies, and romance books, and shopping and anything I could to take my mind off the fact that I was struggling. So painful! Last year, it came to a head and in the middle of an argument, I grabbed my purse and started to storm out the door, yelling that I was never coming back - and I really, really meant it.
ReplyDeleteI am forever grateful to my husband, who grabbed me in a gentle but firm bear hug, told me he loved me, and that he wouldn't let me keep running away from our issues. That was such a breakthrough moment for me - I didn't have to run. My husband would help me stay grounded in love while we worked together through the very painful moments of my life.
Anyway, thanks, as always, for your very wise words!
I definitely run. I don't want to, but......it's an instinct and it helps me stay somewhat sane. I believe things would get ugly so much quicker if I stayed in the room and tried to discuss it while I was hurting.
ReplyDeleteBut, I have a fiancé who will call me out on running....in a way that makes me want to hide all my emotions for the sake of not having my flaws thrown onto my face. :(
Lisa, I am loving all of your posts!! I spent a couple of years running from my hubby and it nearly ended my 14 year marriage. Now we are holding fast to one another and trying our best to walk side-by-side, knowing that God has "got our back"... so there is no need to run right now... now we are learning to get into a tandem rhythm of grace and love... :) Love this idea.
ReplyDelete