I can tell when this man is in a great mood, and I can also tell when something heavy is on his mind. I know when he's happy, and I know when he's mad. He doesn't have to say a word for me to read him. In fact he doesn't even have to turn and face me. I sense the mood.
It was everything, from the way he carried his body, to the swiftness of each step that moved me to ask him, "Is something wrong, Michael?"
"You even have to ask?!" he snapped back at me. "After the way you spoke to me earlier, you shouldn't be surprised at all that I'm angry."
I sat there for a minute thinking about a conversation we had just an hour before. It wasn't that I was rude--at least I didn't think so. I had simply expressed the fact that I was disappointed. We had just come back from a gathering during which time we barely spoke two words to each other. Pulled in two different directions he spent time with the guys and I with the girls. I understand that this happens a lot. And I certainly don't expect Michael to walk a three legged race with me, but barely two words? When I go out with my husband, I want to spend time with him.
Here's the thing. We're two different people who communicate in two different ways. And I will admit that my "expression" can be a little negative at times. It's one thing to communicate, and it's another to nag which is something I'm still working on.
"Mom," Madison looked over at me, "aren't you going to go say something to him?"
In other words, my daughter was pointing out the fact that it was time for me to put on a cloak of kindness. Smart girl.
Kindness is a virtue. It doesn't come easy to us unless we exercise that area of our life. It's more than simply a desire to do good to others, it's the behavior itself.
Kindness doesn't sit around analyzing a situation to determine whether this person is right or that person is wrong. Kindness is a charitable gift--it reaches out to those in need.
Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. - Colossians 3:12-13Whether it's easy or not, we are commanded in scripture to put on kindness. We're commanded to be compassionate people because that's Who our Savior is.
It's all about looking up. Looking to Christ for our example and looking to Him for our reward. Jesus reached out to this world while we were in darkness and sin. He didn't sit around waiting for mankind to be perfect--He made the first move. Initiation is the core of kindness.
Let's look at five practical ways we can set kindness in motion:
1. Offer him praise and encouragement.
2. Show compassion when he's had a rough day. Stop what you're doing and take time to listen.
3. Be the first to reconcile. If you're in the middle of a disagreement, let go of your need to be "right" and choose a path that leads to peace.
4. Pray asking the Lord for wisdom in this area of your life.
5. Resist the urge to nag. Communicate in love, and keep the communication going, but curb the nagging and the negative talk.
Just so you know, I did put on a cloak of kindness, and I did go down to the man cave to see Michael. And just so you know... one kiss on the forehead had him asking, "So what do you want to do today."
A little kindness goes a long way!
This weeks challenge: Ignite the fire of kindness in your home this week. Be intentional about showing your husband kindness this week. Plan a date just for him, treat him to his favorite meal, honor him wiht your words, and make him feel incredibly special.Come back next week for part three in our Ignite The Fire series!
September 16th – Ignite Your Dreams
Please stop by and visit my team members to read their posts on this series!
You are loved by an almighty God,
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I am a newlywed adjusting to married life, and living with someone has been a huge life change. Differences are inevietable though and this post on kindness was exactly what I needed this week. Sometimes it is easy to nag, but going out of my way to not be "right" and seek peace in the situation will make my husband feel more valued. I look forward to putting this to use this week and even more into the future.
ReplyDeleteSweet ending to this great post today Darlene! Thanks for being so transparent with your relationships in order to help us and bring us closer to God.
ReplyDeleteblessings,
Shan
www.The-How-to-Guru.com
I thought what i did was sacrifice but now i know it`s an act of kindness
ReplyDeleteKindness is the way to go!
ReplyDelete--- love from Singapore, Narelle here! :)
Great word! Thank you...(I noticed a few type-o's) Colossians 3 not 13 :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this. I'm guilty of treating my husband unkindly last evening and although we're "good" now, I know I need to go back to him and apologize for last evening. Thanks for sharing your wisdom!
ReplyDeleteSo, just wondering, do we as wives not get to feel kindness back? And if you want to spend time with your husband, and he doesn't make that a priority, do you not get to say anything about it? Does he just get to be mad that you are disappointed?
ReplyDeleteIn a Christ-centered marriage both a husband and wife should treat each other kindly. Men are commanded in scripture to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for it. So there is a tall order for men as well as women. But my point with kindness is that our attitude shouldn't be dependent on that of another. We love because God first loved us. Not because we hope to get back.
DeleteLove doesn't get mad when others do it wrong. And they will do it wrong over and over again.
Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. - Matthew 5:43-45
To answer your other question, "Do you not get to say anything about it?"
My answer is that I'd definitely say something. Communication is a vital part of growing together.
This is so irritating... Why is it always assumed that we're the nag or that we just need to let go... what if it's not our fault and we just don't want to be wrong anymore... why is it that the women always have to give in?
ReplyDeleteIt's not about "giving in." It's about acknowledging when you are wrong. It's almost inevitable that in any conflict both parties involved have sinned.
DeleteThis blog is written to encourage wives and therefore it addresses the behavior of a wife. I often recommend sites that encourage men in their walk as well.
DeleteKindness isn't for one gender or the other. Both men and women should walk in humility esteeming others higher than themselves.
As Christians we are to walk as Christ walked. He didn't come to be served, but to serve.
Being kind doesn't mean that you're wrong. When I say let go of your need to be "right," I'm talking about your need to prove yourself right.
Thanks for sharing the 5 examples to put in motion. Such a helpful reminder! Here are my thoughts: http://lifeofaministermom.com/2013/09/10/kindness-matters/
ReplyDeleteLove your blog, especially number 5, I think we all need to work on that one! And you are so right, a little kindness goes a LOOOOOONG way!
ReplyDeleteMy first marriage failed because I wasn't a woman of God in the way a wife should be ..I want to be in control ..It wasn't working so I divorced .. My second marriage as well ..I was raised in church and saw how my mom bent over backwards for my dad (RIP) and did not see Love there .(till the end of their lives ) and swore no man would have me under his feet .. After being Divorced 3 yrs which the last two my x and I were getting closer ..My thoughts back together .. when he went in a different direction .. I fell a part and poured my heart out to God .. Finally at 47 yrs old I opened his word and he showed me all that I didn't do as a wife and as God child .. The simple ways to keep your marriage on track .. Not saying either of my husbands were not at fault ,but both were willing to stick it out for better or worse .. I am praying and seeking God that my x and I will reconcile . and Learning to let go of my control issues .. Please pray with me for this .. Thanks for story .
ReplyDeleteMy first marriage failed because I wasn't a woman of God in the way a wife should be ..I want to be in control ..It wasn't working so I divorced .. My second marriage as well ..I was raised in church and saw how my mom bent over backwards for my dad (RIP) and did not see Love there .(till the end of their lives ) and swore no man would have me under his feet .. After being Divorced 3 yrs which the last two my x and I were getting closer ..My thoughts back together .. when he went in a different direction .. I fell a part and poured my heart out to God .. Finally at 47 yrs old I opened his word and he showed me all that I didn't do as a wife and as God child .. The simple ways to keep your marriage on track .. Not saying either of my husbands were not at fault ,but both were willing to stick it out for better or worse .. I am praying and seeking God that my x and I will reconcile . and Learning to let go of my control issues .. Please pray with me for this .. Thanks for story .
ReplyDeleteKindness is really hard when you have been betrayed and lied to repeatedly. Especially when you have forgiven repeatedly to find that it did not end. Or when you did and do kind acts only to be put down for them.
ReplyDeleteWhat are those men sites????
ReplyDeleteLisa's husband:
Deletehttp://matthewljacobson.com/
And one we both contribute to:
www.forthefamily.org
And my favorite speaker, John Piper:
www.desiringgod.org
I love it thank you so much
ReplyDeleteawesome, i love it. here is my weekly take on it...
ReplyDeletehttp://lorealle.blogspot.com/2013/09/ignite-fire-of-your-marriage-kindness.html
My husband and I just moved and have been sniping at each other a lot. I realize it is because of the stress. Sometimes I walk away and come back. Other times I find something else to do, come back and give him a kiss and everything is fine.
ReplyDelete