I'd like to think that there's been a whole lot of loving done over the years.
I mean, so much can happen in over 20 years of marriage, right? Good times. Hard times. Big sacrifices. Small ones. I've loved him through it all.
But what would be the most loving thing?
Would it be that gorgeous September morning when I vowed to love him "until death do us part"? Loving him.
Or maybe when I gave birth to our first child? The pain. The joy. Loving him.
Or maybe the 5th child....or the 8th? Loving him.
When I followed him across the country...and then back again? Loving him.
Or perhaps when I wept and prayed over him as I watched his vital signs drop in that cold hospital room. Oh, please God....desperately loving him.
Yes, lots of loving over the years. But the most loving thing...? I've thought long and hard over this question.
The most loving thing I've done as his wife is to seek Christ. That really would have to be it. Nothing has made a bigger difference in our relationship than my walk with God.
I don't think I realized it at the time, when I first married him. You see, I was still young and something of a hopeful romantic. We had each other and that was what mostly mattered---him, me, and love. I just knew it was going to be beautiful.
And it has been beautiful.
But there were some things I didn't anticipate we'd go through together.
I didn't know then that there would be so many challenges. That we'd walk through grief, frustration, disappointment, and times when I could hardly see straight.
There was so much I didn't know....
Oh, and not only things about him and our life together, but about myself. I didn't understand what kind of person I really was. I was determined to be the best wife I could be, but it was more difficult than I'd counted on.
I discovered I was more selfish than I thought. More stubborn. More moody and more self-serving.
I found that my determination to be the "most loving wife" wasn't enough. I needed Christ. I needed to seek God with all my heart. I needed to let Him work in me and change me. I needed to trust Him with our marriage.
So if you want to love your spouse? The most loving thing you can do is to love your God.
But from there you will seek the Lord your God and you will find Him, if you search after Him with all your heart and with all your soul. (Deut. 4:29)
Spend time in His Word. Soak it up and listen to what He is saying to you as you read through it.
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. (Ps. 119:105)
Go to Him in prayer. Thanking God and praising Him. Ask Him to do a work in you and in your marriage.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." (Phil. 4:6).
Walk in the Spirit. And not your own strength. Be filled with the Spirit of God.
But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh (Gal. 5:16)
If you ever find yourself wondering what you can do to love your Beloved better? To improve your marriage?
Then I'd tell you this: spend time with your God. Seek Him. Walk with Him. Love Him.
It's the most loving thing you can do for your marriage.
Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matthew L. Jacobson, literary agent and writer, and together they enjoy raising 8 children. Please join her over at Club31Women, a blog for any wife, mother, or sister who is looking for Biblical encouragement and inspiration.
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I have found this to be so true. Recently, my husband did something that hurt me and betrayed my trust. I didn't want to forgive, I forgave because I love my God. During that time I didn't want to forgive, I also didn't want to reassure my husband that I loved him because I wanted him to feel how much he had hurt me, but God asked me to reassure him. My obedience was reluctant but God did ultimately win and I did what He asked of me. In doing so, my heart was softened toward my husband and I was able to forgive and move on much faster than if I hadn't done what God asked me to do. God really knows best and wants what is best for us. He wants us to die to ourselves, but I have found that it is in those moments of dying to myself that I really end up better off than I would have been if I didn't.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful reminder!! I needed to hear this today! Thank you so much for beautiful words and inspiration. We can do nothing apart from Him!
ReplyDeleteExactly!
ReplyDeleteThank you. My marriage is struggling and I know a lot of it rings true with your words above. "I discovered I was more selfish than I thought. More stubborn. More moody and more self-serving." This is me... I feel like I seek God and the moment I have to really take the leap of faith to trust Him, I get angry about something that has happened (a prayer not answered, or God seeming to be distant, etc..) and I push Him away and like a rebellious teenager I try to run. Thank you for your words. They are encouraging.
ReplyDeleteSo true I'm struggling with hurt and it keeps comming up. And when I talk about it he gets angry ! Starts grabbing me and cursing god and in these years I feel there has been more bad than good. And I feel so lost uneasy abot what is next. We have counseling on saturday and he said he hates me and wants out. And I don't know how much more abuse I can take.
ReplyDeleteI'm still learning this....thanks for the encouragement today.
ReplyDeleteThis post has brought me to tears. As I am going through a terrible time in my once beautiful marriage. 8 years in, and people still asked us if we were newly weds. And then depression hit me, robbed my husband of his joyful wife. He heart strayed, and now we are trying to put the pieces back together. For weeks now,I have struggled to make up for it by being "the perfect wife", and it is SO exhausting.But this... this is a reminder that no matter what I do, it is His heart I have to depend on to change my husband. Thank you for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteI love this reminder!! Thank you for sharing!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for this beautiful article. You're exactly right. We should love God more than we love our spouses. That's the only way to understand about true "agape" love - the unselfish, unwavering, unpretentious perfect love of God for fallen mankind. The world wants us to believe that sexual love is the most important part of marriage, but the Greek word "eros" does not appear in the Bible. When Paul said, "husbands, LOVE your wives" the word he used for LOVE was agape, defined as the husband’s love for his wife’s soul. So how can we NOT forgive our spouse's imperfections, when God commanded it? Agape love forgives trespasses and sins. The most loving thing that my husband and I have done was to forgive one another's faults and shortcomings and that has kept us together for 44 years.
ReplyDeleteGod led me to this post! Thank you for writing what I needed to read TODAY!
ReplyDeleteExactly right - without the Lord as your "husband" alongside the real life guy, it just doesn't work. I married at 18 -dumb as dirt- and learned very quickly I was unequally yoked (who knew?). BUT, through the encouragement of big-sisters-in-the-Lord and God Himself, I trusted for my husband's salvation. Took 7 years of praying, but he finally came around. Is he there yet - no- but life is much easier for the most part. It's still - and always will be - work, but after 48 years I still thank God for helping me to love my husband as Christ loved the church. Thanks for reminding us to seek God first!
ReplyDeleteIf Jesus had not been my Savior and Lord, we would never have made it for 50 years next year!! My faith, and eventually my husband's is what has held us together like super glue through it all - the ups and downs, the hurts and trials, the pain and the
ReplyDeletedeaths, and everything that all couples experience. Admiration, Belief and Commitment are the ABC's of our marriage.
Thanks for your honesty! God is Almighty, Alknowing , and Always grants your hearts desire psalm 37 vs 4. When we don't understand God has it all under his control. Sometimes it's the trusting and waiting is the hard part vs 5,6,7. Because of our sin not always our husband. I am learning God is changing me daily to be a God fearing and loving wife as i am trusting and waiting as he has asked me to be.
ReplyDelete