Raising Children with One Heart and One Mind

When reading John chapter seventeen, one can't help but notice the fervent prayer of "unity" that Jesus prayed in the last hours of His death. In particular, these verses have always stood out to me:

Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word; That they all may be one; as thou, Father, art in me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me. And the glory which thou gavest me I have given them; that they may be one, even as we are one: I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me. ~ John 17:20-23, KJV

In reading this we gain an understanding of how important unity is for believers. And the reason it's important is because we bring glory to God when we reflect a unified church. We are a living testimony to the life of Christ and that testimony is strengthened when the body of Christ is whole.

Let's look at the flip-side for a moment and consider a scenario. Say I have a problem with a woman at church and I write about my frustrations openly on my blog. And let's say that this woman talks about it at play group. By doing that, we are showing the world a fractured church where members are at war with one another rather than a body that is functioning well. God is not a God of confusion, and neither should we be.

This is how we are instructed to handle disagreements:

If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. ~ Matthew 18:15, NIV

Further instruction is given in Matthew 18 for those who can't resolve their problems alone. But I won't get into that today because I'm simply making the point that unity should be achieved behind closed doors.

With that thought in mind consider how this message is a benefit to the family unit. When children see two parents raising them with one heart and mind they see order instead of confusion.

I'm not saying that we need to be deceitful to our children, but rather than we need to respect the sacred union of a husband and wife. We all know that some things should be discussed in private.

When parents are headed in two different directions, we develop a fracture in the family unit that can be detrimental to our children.

When parents argue in front of the kids, it's not only dis-heartening to the children, it also models a lack of love and respect to our spouse. If we want our children to seek out good relationships when they are older then we must show them what that relationship looks like today. We can start by discussing disagreements behind closed doors.

How do we do that? We make an effort to exercise self control.

I didn't grow up in a self-controlled environment. Not until my parents came to know the Lord when I was eleven-years-old. Before that my dad was a heavy drinker and my parents were constantly at war. I remember laying on the floor of my bedroom with my head against a vent listening to them argue. Tears were pouring down my face while I prayed for it to stop.

And so I'm not talking about communicating in front of your children, that's an important part of marriage--I'm talking about those times when you have a grievance, and especially those times when you start losing your cool.

Here's an example. When my husband and I were travelling this summer we shared a hotel room with our kids for an entire week. During that week my daughter found out that a friend of hers was also visiting in Calgary at the same time we were. I understood her desire to spend time with her friend, but my husband thought it was foolish. Why couldn't she see him when she got home? This didn't make any sense to Michael at all. It made sense to me because I too was once a 15-year-old girl.

After a while, I asked the kids to head downstairs to the vending machine while Michael and I talked. They might have very well guessed what we were talking about, but frankly it wasn't their concern. It was something we needed to discuss as husband and wife. Ten minutes later we came to a unified decision, just in time to open the door for the kids.

Another problem is showing a lack of respect for each other when you do disagree. I want my sons to find wives that respect them, and therefore I need to show them what that picture looks like today. In the same way I want my daughter to respect her future husband. (and vice versa for both).

I remember one particular afternoon a few years ago when I was angry at Michael. I guess it showed on my face because my daughter asked, "Mom, are you mad at Dad?"

I knew that was the time when it was important to say, "We have some things to work out, but that doesn't change how much I love him."

Whether I'm in sight or out of sight, I need to make every effort to be self controlled, be willing to hold my tongue for the good of my marriage, and to be sensitive to his needs.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. - Philippians 2:3-4, NIV

You are loved by an almighty God,



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