The series will be written by Lisa Jacobson of Club 31 Women, so get used to seeing her beautiful face around here.
I had a chance to see Lisa and her husband Matt together last month at the blogging conference and they've definitely got something that's uncommon today--a beautiful marriage.
Since then, Lisa and I have been talking about giving her a permanent spot on this website to share some of her wisdom and experience.
After a few phone calls with a little brainstorming and a lot of blog chatting we came up with the idea of a six-week long series where she'll offer you some of the keys to unlocking this kind of love. Let me rephrase that--Lisa came up with the idea--she's brilliant. ;)
Each Wednesday Lisa will offer you a different step in the series bringing you a total of six.
Each Wednesday Lisa will offer you a different step in the series bringing you a total of six.
So without further ado, let's start today with Step 1: Place all hope for your marriage in the hands of the Lord.
Guest contributor, Lisa Jacobson, Club 31 Women
The conversation wasn't intended for my ears and I knew it.
But somehow I couldn't seem to help myself. I so desperately wanted to hear what he was going to say next.
My husband was on the phone with an old Canadian friend whom he hadn't spoken with since long before our wedding. They were talking about our marriage.
About me, to be precise.
You can understand then that I was incredibly anxious to hear what he would say. So quietly, and maybe wrongly, I stood by the door and listened while my husband confided in his friend.
And that’s when I heard this....
"My wife and I are blessed with an uncommon love," he was explaining. He probably said more, but I never heard anything further. My heart was too busy soaring.
An uncommon love.
An uncommon love.
Not merely love, but in his eyes we were enjoying an uncommonly beautiful love.
Now at about this point, you might be wondering what kind of woman I must be. Is there something special about me? Am I any different than you?
I bet she's one of those easy-going, servant-hearted sweethearts.
I wish. But I'm afraid not.
Oh, then it's him. He must be the most amazing, loveable man.
He is. But that doesn't mean you'd want to be married to him.
Well then, I guess you two were simply made for each other.
And so we are.
But you want to know what the pastor was overheard pronouncing on our wedding day? "Those two will undoubtedly wake up hating each other." Not exactly the prediction you want to hear as you're starting out your life together, is it.
You see, we are made of the stuff that leads two people to hating - not to loving.
So how did we end up with an uncommon love?
Amazingly enough, the Lord has taken this feisty, self-willed thing, matched her up with that intense, determined, visionary man and somehow made love out of it. Yet how do two people – destined for hate - learn to love?
Exactly the question I asked myself.
And quite possibly the question you're asking yourself as well.
So what is she going to offer, "Six easy steps to an uncommon love?"
Yes.
And, no.
I mean, sure, there are steps a wife can take - although there aren't exactly six of them and some of them are easier than others.
But isn’t marriage like that – a journey made up of a bunch of small steps and tiny moments? It’s certainly not like in the movies where love is portrayed as one dramatic and wild event. As something that either “works” or “doesn’t work”.
No, marriage is more like a long, slow walk together. One step at a time. Sometimes we step backwards and lose a little bit of ground. At other times we find we're making great strides. In any case, our Lord intended for us to walk it together and to walk in love.
Here are just a few of the lovely things He can do in our marriage:
He can take something ugly and turn it into something beautiful. I know because I've watched Him do it right before my very eyes. For instance, he’s taken these two potential “haters” and turned them into lifelong lovers.
He can take something sorrowful, and turn it into joy. Most couples walk through grief at some time or another. A season when sadness threatens to overtake all known happiness, yet He can bring comfort and healing to you and your marriage.
He can take something bitter and turn it into something sweet. Bitterness is one of the great destroyers in a relationship, but forgiveness and letting go can restore love and joy that seemed all but lost.
He can also take something good and turn it into truly wonderful. While many can attest to a “good” marriage, the Lord desires more for us than even that---He wants us to walk deeply in love for the rest of our days together.
We can start by putting our hope in what the Lord says about our marriage and not listen to any voice which says otherwise. We can remember that we were made for love - and not just any love, but an uncommonly beautiful love - much like the love He has for us.
Today's Challenge:
Write down three areas in your marriage that you want to be made beautiful. Maybe areas such as communication, affection, or working together.
Here, I’ll go first. I’d like to be more available to my husband (and not just in the way you might be thinking), get better about making his priorities my priorities, and express more appreciation for him.
If you want to share yours here as well, then can we pray for each other? If they’re too private, then that’s okay too. Even if you only leave a first name, that works! The Lord knows your heart.
So the first step is to place all hope for your marriage in the Lord's hands. He cares as deeply about your relationship as you do - even more.
So the first step is to place all hope for your marriage in the Lord's hands. He cares as deeply about your relationship as you do - even more.
Will you let Him make something beautiful out of your love?
In His grace,
Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matt Jacobson, literary agent and writer, and together they enjoy raising 8 children. Please join her over at Club31Women, a blog for any wife, mother, or sister who is looking for Biblical encouragement and inspiration.
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So beautiful! Welcome Lisa... I'm one of your newer followers and very glad to see you sharing your wisdom here! Looking forward to the rest of the series very much.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you and yours!
I want to be better about hearing him. When he says, even just offhand, "Oh this or that should be done eventually." I'd like to hear that and make it a priority in my to-do list with my three older boys.
ReplyDeleteI'd also like to enjoy what he enjoys (well, honestly, I don't really, but I'd like to get to that spot).
The last thing is to make home a haven for him.
Praying with you,
Steph
Well, my first will be my being there for his physical needs. With 7 kids, I go to bed earlier than him. He is often still at work when I am snoozing already ! Second would be putting him before the kids and the home business, which is busy ! Third would be communication, purposefully finding the time to sit and find about his life, thoughts and day. My husband is my one and only and I would love to make our marriage a step closer to "more beautiful !"
ReplyDeleteThree areas of my marriage I lift up today:
ReplyDelete* Repair the intamacy in my marriage
* Build our friendship with each other
* Make me a willing servant to my husband
Thank you for such a simple and encouraging perspective. I've been thinking lately on how my hope cannot be placed in my husband, my marriage, these things are temporary. It is when my hope is found in the steady hands of Christ, in that eternal hope, that I find something beautiful.
ReplyDeleteWhat would I like to be made more beautiful? My time. It is easy to run around in circles in the busyness of life and miss out on the moments of just being together. Being together without a list, without a request for those socks (which seemed to be perpetually left on the bathroom floor) to be picked up, to let the dishes sit dirty for ten more minutes, or let the laundry wait without worrying about wrinkled t-shirts. Because in my desire to get it all done, to make sure I’m on top of it all, I can let my type-A list get the best of my time instead of my husband, who is infinitely more important than all of the stuff.
I am so glad I found your page! I have been feeling something off with my marriage and I am sure I can take steps with the Lord to help.
ReplyDeleteThe three areas I would like to see made beautiful are; communications, intimate relations, and working together.
Thank you for the wonderful read and series we are about to embark on. It is only recently I have come to really realize that I am my husband's wife. I know that sounds weird, but its true! Somehow I just stepped into life, which kept going on, and I forgot to take a careful look at what was going on in my life. The relationship that took the most abuse was my marriage. I am my husbands help meet and now I need to practice that and show him that I am committed to being his wife.
ReplyDeleteThe three areas of my marriage I would like to make beautiful are.... our communication, letting go of my "scorekeeping", and expressing my appreciation for him in all that he does.
I need prayer for:
ReplyDelete1) learning to show love to my husband in the way he will understand (and vice versa),
2) P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E,
and
3) true intimacy.
Darlene- I am such a huge fan of your and your blog. It has truly helped me! Blessings to you!!
ReplyDeleteJust what I need! I need to focus on being more respectful, prioritizing my husband and flirting more!
ReplyDeleteHere are the three I wrote down:
ReplyDeleteCommunication (so many of our issues boil down to that)
Reacting without thinking (I do this ALL THE TIME, and I react unlovingly and assume the worst of him)
Apologizing/Reconciliation (he is great about this; me, not so much)
Thank you for this series and I look forward to the upcoming articles. I would appreciate prayers for the three things that we need to work on in our marriage.
ReplyDelete1: Communication
2: Patience
3: Expressing my appreciation for everything he does, even the little things
+communication
ReplyDelete+intimacy
+head of household
Not in any particular order by any means
1: intimacy
ReplyDelete2: being his best friend (building him up not tearing him down whether to him or about him to others.)
3: submitting (not being a tyrant but also not being a doormat...having trouble finding that common ground and staying there. Something I've been struggling with for a few years now.)
Thank you for this awesome post, Lisa. You are such an encouragement!
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you to everyone who chimed in with the comments. I'll be praying over each of your comments this week and considering a few of my own.
I want to know him better, understand his needs and learn how to encourage him.
ReplyDeleteWonderful words of wisdom! We are made to share an uncommon love! Thank you for sharing...I look forward to your next post! In Him, Joan
ReplyDeleteThank you, Lisa! What a timely series for me. I'd like to work on communication, syncing priorities and intimacy with my husband.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy that I stumbled upon this site today. The subject of my marriage has been weighing very heavily on my heart recently and I believe that now I know why. God has been trying to direct me to do work instead of just sitting wondering why I am sad quite a bit.
ReplyDeleteThe 3 parts of my marriage that I would like to be lifted up in prayer are:
Communication
Not taking everything he says or does as a personal attack againts myself or my character
and trust
My husband left me three weeks ago....i had no idea we were struggling. :( I just had his third baby two weeks ago. Now he wants divorce. I am not willing to discuss it. I want my husband back. He is talking to another female. And has been for three months now. I just keep praying His will change his heart and mind. That he will give me wisdom and peace.
ReplyDeleteMy marriage failed 7 years ago and we were divorced. For seven years I have been praying for restoration and for God to make me the wife/friend/lover my husband needs me to be when he returns. This morning I received an email from my husband's pastor saying my husband wanted to come with me for marriage counseling but the pastor wants to meet with me alone first. So, am cautiously hopeful this morning, and definitely 'in' for this series! :) Three areas I want God to make beautiful...1)our communication, 2)my attitudes, especially in the area of forgiveness(with a lip zipper!);3)me....that we would both be able to see my beauty through God's eyes (think it would take too long to explain :). Until our marriage is restored, I prefer to remain anonymous, but would really appreciate your prayers.
ReplyDeleteYour comment brought tears to my eyes. I pray that God will heal this marriage. Thank you Lord for opening a door. I pray that this is the beginning of the restoration process. God is good!!
DeleteI want to be a better listener.
ReplyDeletewhen I talk with him I want it to be meaningful talk, not just talkingbecause i feel like it,i often talk way too much without really saying anything important.
I want to be more patient and more productive at home.
I have been married since I was 19 years old, and for the most part I always felt we had a good marriage, then we had our son and we became enemies and his job had a lot to do with it, he changed into a man I know longer really knew. I could see bits of him and I knew he still had my heart. We had a second child, things were Great! Well at least I thought so, certain temptations were placed before us, thinking we had a strong foundation we would try them. We were wrong, I broke his trust and vice verse, then came to light he has been unhappy for years and he wasn't sure if he still wanted to be with me. My heart broke into a million pieces. I was lost and I had no idea what to do. I didnt understand why he was so unhappy. I met all his needs in the bedroom, when I went without, I lost weight in hopes to more active with him and the kids, I really had no idea. Then I realized I wasnt meeting his emotional needs. I pushed him to someone who was. I vowed right there I was going to fix this what I had broke, I broke the man God made for me. I was on my knees in the dark asking and confessing,begging,saying anything you can think of. The next day I stumbled on this blog and it has helped me so much! I am not an easy women, I am no where submissive like I should be, I speak my mind and I do not back down. I am strong minded and usually what I said goes. I am learning how to listen to him and not respond with a snide comment like I always had. To try and remember the good and not focus on the bad. What is the hardest of all of this is, I cant help but feel like he is not trying to hear me anymore, of my feelings and needs. I told him I wanted him to love me as Christ loved the church and I got no response. I am trying not to allow my hurt feeling take affect on how I treat him.
ReplyDeleteso with all that said... ( sorry for rambling)
1. To know what true intimacy is. I have always made him feel what he need, while I always knew I was missing something.
2. To pray together, to have him the head of the house.
3. To be as one again. Not enemies, and always questioning.
each other.
Thank you for these steps, I am praying I can be a better wife and friend to him
No, don't apologize. You're not rambling, your pouring out your heart. Thank you. You've had a tough walk and there is much healing ahead, but handing it over to God is the first and biggest step you can take.
DeleteAlong with Lisa and I there are other women who are ready and willing to pray over these comments.
You are not alone, sister.
I'm thrilled to have landed on this series! I am excited you're working with the time-warp wife and doing this beautiful thing.
ReplyDeleteI stumbled upon this blog for a reason.
My 3 big ones:
communication
working together
forgiveness
Thank you again!
My 3 areas will be
ReplyDelete1. Understanding~ I need to understand his point of view more
2. Communication~ I need to be able to communicate with him more on a level that is understanding
3. Letting go of control~ Letting him be the leader of the home that I want him to be and he deserves to be without be thinking my way is the only way
Oh my, why did you lead me to this post today, God? I don't want to work at our marriage only to fail miserable yet again ( because i am such a messy sinner) or to reach out and get rejected in anger again. Oh wait...I re-read and this isn't asking what I can do,fix, change....only asking what areas I want YOU to make beautiful. :) 1.our friendship, I miss being best friends. 2. Working as a team, partners working together to do whatever God has planned for us. 3. Both our emotional and physical intimacy , because thats what You created marriage to be
ReplyDeleteI found this post on fb and then fell in love with the time-warp-wife blog. So much help and so needed. wow
ReplyDeleteI've been looking for help with keeping my home. What do I do, when and first and how often. It is really hard to truly find help with this topic. I'm two and a half days into Daily Housekeeping. :) But I found this 6 steps Marriage help and I'm so curious and thankful. So while I'm on this high I just want to say that it is really hard to say which areas I want help with. We lost a precious daughter to cancer 1 1/2 years ago and I'm just starting to get my wheels rolling again. I've been full of anger, bitterness, hatred, judging others, lonliness etc. But God is FULL of GRACE over me.
1.I want to learn to respect my husband and have only beautiful thoughts towards him.
2.I want to care for my home in a way it shows respect for him too.
3.I want to give up my will in our home so it is his home and I his wife so he can increase. I really mean this in the right way, I hope you understand it. I have been so stubborn and judgemental and I'm really hating my attitude and how much it has torn him down. When we got married I had 4 teenagers, and then we had a baby I was much older than most moms. Then we lost one of the children. So we had been through quite some difficult times and I feel like we don't really know each other. We are going to have our 13th anniversary on monday. I know we are committed but I believe God has so much for us and I must be a door for God to enter our home. My husband doesn't really know Jesus. Thank you.
I ran across this post yesterday, and am looking forward to the rest of this series.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I were both in our early 40s when we married. Neither of us had been married before and we are both oldest children. He is fiercely logical, and I am a romantic. He grew up in a Christian home with an ok marriage, and I grew up in a chaotic world full of divorces and no faith.
Our marriage has had many challenges, and we are both learning how to be the wife/husband God wants us to be. It hasn't always been easy.
I need to surrender to God and what He wants of me, so I will be reading this series and also blogging my thoughts about it.
Thank you for sharing it :)
My 3 things are:
The three areas I came up with are:
Really listen to him
Seriously and prayerfully consider all of his suggestions
Get more involved with the finances
My husband and I are working at putting our marriage back together after a very hurtful and painful circumstance. Thankfully, we are making progress for the good; however, there are definitely a few areas in my marriage that I'd like to have made more beautiful. Maybe more than a few, but we'll get there, all in God's time.
ReplyDeleteMy three areas are, in no special order:
Our physical relationship
Making God our number one priority
Our communication skills
I am so looking forward to this series and the blessing that the Lord WILL place over it!
ReplyDeleteMy 3 biggest "Wants" in my marriage:
*Placing God at the center of our relationship
*Patience and respect for my husband in ALL things
*Reclaiming my role in Biblical womanhood
My biggest desires for my marriage are for God to become real to my husband - and be at the center of our life, better communication, and breaking down barriers of fear.
ReplyDeleteWe are married but living together emotionally divorced. I have super thick tall walls like a callus. I have even chose not to love him anymore. I have cried out to him, to our pastor and womens ministry director and most importantly Jesus. I feel defeated. I love the Lord I do not love the mental and emotional abuse I suffer. Please lead me in prayer.
ReplyDeleteThis gives me chills, I am not alone in this battle to keep a marriage alive in this turbulent world, so thankful!
ReplyDeleteI have a big list, but will narrow it down to 3, if I can, lol!
- Make God the center of our marriage.
- Help us to be more affectionate for each other in ways that make the other feel loved, not what we want for our own selfish needs, be self sacrificing for each other.
-Help us to work together with parenting, finances, communication, morals... this list goes deep!
This is just the tip, but a start. Trying to give it all to God, but admit I struggle!
Prayers to the other women here, and thank you all for sharing!
Thank you for sharing this! Three things in my marriage would be:
ReplyDelete~ Better communication, more on my part because I tend to hold things inside.
~ Help us to recognize each others dreams as more than just a dream and support each other more.
~ Help us do more for each other to show our love.
Our marriage is a good one but like all things we need to keep working at it so it can be maintained and get better!
Have a blessed day!