On my own.
That's how it felt when he walked out the door to catch the next plane. True, traveling was a necessary part of his job, but I'm the wife who's left behind.
It's me who stays back to look after things. To clean up the spills, to fix the broken appliance, and to take out the trash. To discipline the children and to kiss them goodnight.
Sometimes...I wish it didn't all have to fall on me. But it does.
So my husband was taking off for a trip first thing the next morning and there wasn't much I could do about it. I sat at the edge of the bed and watched him methodically pack his suitcase, the way he always does. The black dress shoes went in first, followed by his slacks, his white shirt, his blue-striped tie, and then all the smaller items tucked into the sides. I think I'd be fascinated by his packing ritual - if I wasn't so glum about his going.
Instead I looked down and simply sighed.
Why? Why am I left to handle everything?
None of this was asked out loud, but he knew what I was thinking because I'd said it all before. So he began talking softly while he carefully folded and rolled each T-shirt. "You know, Baby, I don't like leaving any more than you like my going. The fact is, I hate leaving you. And the children. You gotta understand - you're my whole world."
With that, he had my attention and my teary eyes looked up for more.
He continued, "But I'm telling you - it weighs on me when I wonder if you're going to be alright when I'm gone. If I question whether you're going to be able to manage things while I'm away. If you're going to fall apart after I get on that plane. You're making it tough on me, Beautiful.
"You see, I need to know that I can count on you to be strong while I'm away."
Honestly, I’d never thought of it quite like that. I guess it always seemed as though I had the difficult job - the one left holding down the home front. All he had to do was pack his bag and go. It had not occurred to me that I was making his job that much harder by my whining and whimpering.
But you want to know something? I'm actually a very capable person. When I want to be. I'm not saying that I enjoy plunging the clogged toilet or calling the electrician. Or being the single parent tucking the kids in at night. Crawling into bed alone.
I'm just saying that I'm able to handle these things - if I've a mind to. I can even do it cheerfully when determined.
And so I was glad to learn that my husband needs me to be strong - not just while he's traveling - but at other times as well. He is freer to focus on his responsibilities when he's sure I'm going to give my all to mine.
So in a sense, I'm packing my own bags now. Only I'm making sure strength is my clothing.
A strong wife in difficult - and even ordinary - circumstances can be a real blessing to her husband.
Today's Vow: To be a woman of strength.
The Challenge: Seek to bless your husband by letting him know you'll do your best to rise to the challenges that come your way.
Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
~ Proverbs 31:25 ~
In His grace,
Lisa is the happily-ever-after wife of Matt Jacobson, literary agent and writer, and together they enjoy raising 8 children. Please join her over at Club31Women, a blog for any wife, mother, or sister who is looking for Biblical encouragement and inspiration.
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So beautifully said, Lisa!
ReplyDeleteWow! I was just talking with an older friend of mine about this exact same topic....trying to glean some wisdom. My husband has been in a job for two years...better pay, but traveling more than we planned for. We had our fourth child almost 3 months ago and he has already been on three 4 or 5 day trips since then. He always reminds me..."we'll, at least it's not a deployment"...he used to be in the military...I try to see that perspective too. We go thought some of the same emotions together when he is ramping up for another trip. I think that many women's go though this. My friend that I talked to made a good point. She said that in biblical times, many women were probably often alone and some may not even know when or if their husbands were going to return. So YES...with all our technology and airplanes, cars etc....we CAN choose to be women of strength and be a light and example for our children and the next generation. Thanks....and blessings!
ReplyDeleteThanks for that this morning! We've been dealing with a nasty flu virus here at my house, and one child after another has succumbed. I was only sick for 24 hours or so, but my poor husband is on day 3 and not feeling much better. Thanks for the encouragement! I was mentally whining about having to be the "single parent" this morning. (Just go to the doctor already!! Why do men hate to go to the doctor!! lol) But you're right, I need to be strong for him.
ReplyDeleteAs an army wife - I get the left behind feeling! Thanks for this :)
ReplyDeleteI needed to read this, so thank you. My husband used to travel every week while I was left at home with the kids. And every week, I felt the same way you just described. And every week, he felt and said the same things that your husband said. So, when he traveled I was strong and I was capable. Now that he doesn't travel, I sometimes forget that even though he isn't away, I still need to be strong because I still have my responsibilities that I need to take care of while he is at work. It is sometimes hard to remember this while muttering, "Why do I always have to do everything?" But it is important to remember because he is counting on you to do so. Long comment when all I really wanted to say was "thanks!!!"
ReplyDeleteThanks for the post..I needed it. My husband got a promotion a couple of weeks ago, but he is going to be traveling 50% of the time. He has not had to travel in our 20 years of marriage. This is going to be quite an adjustment. I have one daughter in college and one in high school. None of us are excited about it, but what can you do? Thanks for the encouragement and reminding me that I need to be strong for my husband is really upset about this.
ReplyDeleteThat was a difficult read for me. I can definitely relate. Although I do not have a traveling husband. Just one who leaves every morning for work and comes back in the early evening every night. It does still relate to me because I have a 2 year old and a 10 month old. So every morning as he heads off it already seems like I am falling apart. Kids screaming for some random reason, trying to make breakfast for 4 people, packing his lunch and so on. I am already a mess by the time he leaves it must seem for him that I am not in control of our house and my goodbyes are never what he needs. This has definitely encouraged me to show him that I can do this role God's given me and that my husband has allowed me to do and do it with a cheerful heart. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteLove this -I've had to learn this lesson as a pastor's wife. My Matt doesn't travel, but he carries a heavy load emotionally and mentally, so I've had to be stronger so I'm not part of the heavy load he's carrying.
ReplyDeleteBlessed huge by this today. Mine left this morning for an out of town trip and I had a mini meltdown before 8am. Thanks for pointing out what strength could mean to him....and our children.
ReplyDeleteAs a Pilot's Wife these words ring very true in my home! It took me awhile to stop being self righteous and see how well I do when you are gone AND when you are home! I expect him to just jump into our lives, our routine, our world... He is constantly jumping in and out... I have had to learn to realize there are nights he does not get to tell the kids good-night, plays he misses, holidays he is absent from the family table. So yes they need us to be strong so they can blend right back in and not feel like a constant guest in their own home! I can only imagine what our deployed soldier's wives feel like... Makes 4 days apart seem like 4 seconds! Great Blog!
ReplyDeleteI NEEDED THIS TOO!!!
ReplyDeleteI am about to have 4 kids ages 2 AND UNDER.
My husband gets up at 5:30am and often comes home at 7pm or later.
He is a hard-working man and we are involved in lots of ministry.
I know he HATES being away from us and leaving me with the chaos all-day most days, but I am going to take up this challenge and be the wife that "holds down the fort" with a good attitude, with all strength through the power of the Holy Spirit, and with thankfulness for all that God has blessed my husband and I with!!
Thanks!!
"So in a sense, I'm packing my own bags now. Only I'm making sure strength is my clothing." Love this, Lisa! Thanks for sharing Darlene :).
ReplyDeleteI really needed this. My husband left at 2:30 this morning to go to Laredo for a job for a week (or so they say usually ends up being more once the week is up), he has been out of town the last couple months due their jobs only being out of town. I am 33 weeks pregnant and have been contracting. My ultimate fear was that I would have the baby while he is away. I know when I signed on to be his wife I knew his job entailed going out of town often (our first date was postponed by three weeks because he went out of town). I have a 4 year old and one on the way, I had been a single mom before, I know how to do this. I am strong, but it seems to me that I fall apart when he leaves. I know I do make it easy when he leaves. I'm just thankful that you wrote this post today, I really needed it!
ReplyDeleteVery well said. I've had to experience this often, and must say that every year, I get a bit stronger than the last! It's quite encouraging to me when I think how far I've come, actually! God bless.
ReplyDeleteMy husband had gotten his dream job (just not in our dream location) and he leaves on Sunday night and comes home on Friday night. We have been doing this for 5 months so far and can't seem to figure out a good transition time to move. It hasn't been horrid (my children aren't babies so in some ways it is easier than when he traveled and it felt as if I had so much on my plate) but I do miss him. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThank you Lisa! It is easy to be ungrateful. We must learn in any circumstance to be content and even more than that we must learn to be thankful for that which we do have. Regardless of our circumstances we serve a God who loves us so very much.
ReplyDeleteI started crying at the beginning :) my husband is on one of his many, many trips, and it is hard for me to be strong here, while he is gone. I LOVE thinking of strength as my clothing, as the thing I pack for his trip. Thank you, Lisa.
ReplyDelete-Hallie
Thank you. My husband is a few days out from leaving for a month of military training, and the strength as clothing application feels very apt to me, as well. Thank you, Lisa.
ReplyDelete