And I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person’s envy of another. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. Fools fold their hands and ruin themselves. Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind. ~ Ecclesiastes 4:4-6Reading this passage of scripture, I got to wondering what motivates me. What motivates me in my marriage? In general? I couldn't help but wonder if that scripture is a gentle reminder to keep my envy in check.
Anytime we're motivated by jealousy we're merely chasing the wind, because those things that we seek outside of God's will for our lives can't fulfill us; they simply leave us empty and craving for more.
Common sense will tell us that the wind can never be harnessed; neither can a lust for this world. It seems that regardless of what my goal is or what object I hope to achieve, that finally reaching that goal or grasping that object only leaves me hungry for more and wanting the next best thing that I see.
Jealousy is a dangerous thing that can creep up unnoticed in any area of our life including our marriage. It brings on stress, a feeling of inadequacy, and sadly it takes our eyes off of our Father's will for our lives. That's why it's so important to always keep it in check.
What if you're husband is a hard working man, but you suddenly notice that your friends husbands are hardworking, attentive, and sensitive men, not to mention the fact that they like to bring flowers and chocolate home to their wives?
Does that mean that your husband should or could be doing better? Does it tell you that he needs to step things up a notch? Could he send you flowers more? Do more dishes? Help more with the kids?
What it should tell you is that God is blessing your marriage in His own way. By following His lead we find contentment and peace.
Many trainers believe that blinders (also known as winkers) are beneficial to race horses because they encourage the animal to pay attention to the race ahead. One of the biggest distractions in a race can be the crowd, another would be the other contestants.
In much the same way, we are far more productive when we focus on the plan ahead rather than checking out the competition and the crowds that they draw.
Comparing our husband or our marriage to someone else's is futile because we're all living out our own story. We've all come from different places and we're all dealing with our own set of circumstances, therefore the stories unfold in each their own way.
By controlling our envy, we can focus our energy in four ways:
You are loved by an almighty God,
- Focus on God's will for your marriage and seek to serve Him
- Realize the gifts that you both have and what you bring to your marriage
- Do not compare yourselves with others
- Be aware of the dangers of envy and avoid any sign of it
One thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
~ Philippians 3:14b-15, NIV
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I really appreciated these words. While I don't have a problem with envy over others' husbands, I do find myself envious of their children/grandchildren. It doesn't feel like our children are "turning out" while our adult children are floundering in careers/school, away from the faith, and not in relationships, etc. I need to be thankful in the first place that I have children at all, count my many blessings and trust that He will guide them in the future.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great word! Even if you are NOT having issues with your husband, when you start to compare him with other husbands the enemy will be sure you find something to be upset about. Comparison isn't just a trap, it's a pit.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing!
Great Post with very wise words I plan to hold on to for years to come.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Shan
The-How-to-Guru.com
Thank you very much for your wise words. This is great advice.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was younger one of my friends' husbands was always so sweet to his wife, giving her gifts, bringing her flowers, paying her compliments. I have to admit that I was a bit jealous in comparing my comfy husband to hers, until the day I found out that her husband was leaving her for somebody else. Things aren't always what they seem to be, and we are better off with what God has given to us. Thank you, Darlene for helping us to remember that! You are a blessing!
ReplyDeleteThis was great, thanks Darlene. I find it interesting that we always make our comparisons to those marriages (husbands) that we think are better, or have achieved more. You are right, we are never supposed to compare; BUT, wouldn't it be interesting if, instead, of trying to raise the bar on our husbands and pointing out just how short they fall -- we used the lowered bar of others to propel our men up and over!
ReplyDeletePhillipians 3:14 is one of my go to verses. Love your comparison to race horses. That really hit home. We should use the word of God as our blinders in life and focus on His will instead of what others are doing.
ReplyDeleteNice thoughts. Sometimes it is really difficult to come to terms with these facts but only the grace of The Almighty God can help one overcome this envy. Though not married this envy sometimes is found amongst we young men and women..
ReplyDelete